Observations From the Road

So, I'm sitting in a hotel.  I've packed my bags, am waiting for checkout time so that I don't have to sit too long in the lobb for for my ride to the airport.  And I think hey, I'll turn on the TV and see what's on this early on a Sunday morning.  And what do I see?  BEYBLADE!!

 

It looks like your typical Saturday-morning anime fest.  You know, kids with unexplained magical powers battling in strange abandoned arenas that apparently dot the countryside in Japan.  You know, just like when WE were kids, right?  I mean, YOU were a magical gladiator roaming the countryside without your parents anywhere to be found too, weren't you?  Of course you were!  

Anyway, as I'm sitting here wondering what kind of shenanigans this group is going to get into, the kids stumble into their second arena of the show (for a 20 minute show, these kids are constantly engaged in "combat").  And then I actually start paying attention to what's going on.  These kids are spinning tops, dumping them together into an open space, and then watching to see which top knocks the others out of the circle...

This a show about kids playing with tops?!?  Oh my...  What's worse, this is a show dedicated to selling a product... spinning tops... for kids to buy and then battle it out.  Holy crap!  How ludicrous, right?  I can't believe this actually works!  All I can hear in the back of my head is some guy yelling out - DREIDEL COMBAT!!!

This is just really weird.  And I thought the card game cartoons were odd...  I keep thinking back to the stupid kid games I used to play and am wondering how I can possibly exploit one of those stupid games for mega millions.  How about a series of head-to-head battles of Ball-in-the-Cup?  Paddle-ball wars?  I've GOT to think of something...

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 87)

One Movie to See: Dead Man

This is an odd ball Depp film that is incredibly moody and, by the end, really trippy. If anyone other than Depp had tried this role, I don't think it would have worked, but his character, for all his faults, is surprisingly sympathetic. I found the character both equally captivating and repelling; so weird. I'm generally not of fan of silly 'mistaken identity' movies, but this one is more than that.  Instead of just falling into a role, the character kind of becomes the character that everyone thinks he is.  It's an odd metamorphosis, but it kind of works.  Chekov in the old West, maybe?  

 

This one isn't for everyone, and I certainly fell asleep my first time through near the end, but it is an interesting movie...if you can stay awake.

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One Movie to Skip: Phantoms

I wanted to like this movie, as an occasional Dean Koontz fan, but it fell a little flat for me.  What is the deal with Ben Affleck movies?  He's ok if he's paired with other (better) actors, but I just don't buy into his characters when he has to carry them off by himself.  Beyond that, I also don't buy him in an action role.  Even though Affleck keeps getting action roles over and over again, it just doesn't work.  I do wonder if I would have felt differently if Ryan Reynolds had played the title role, but probably not.  Frankly, he really isn't much better.

 

As for the movie itself, it's a tad ridiculous.  I didn't find it that scary, and I just couldn't care about the characters.  I find that when you get too much stupidity from the main characters early on in the movie, you just start rooting for the monster to eat them so you don't have to watch the movie any more.  That's kind of how I felt about this one...

 

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 86)

Movie to See: Iron Man 2

I'll recommend this one, but with reservations.  The problem is that it really looks like Favreau is channeling Michael Bay; this movie is pretty much non-stop action all the way through and has very little in the way of character development - and there were a LOT of characters they could have developed! And speaking of characters, Cheadle as War Machine?!  Holy cow!  Why don't we get inside his head more? Scarlett Johansson as the Black Cat? Why the hell don't we get to see more of her?! What an interesting character they could have fleshed out! And what the heck is up with having Samuel L. Jackson play Nick Fury? (I have no problem with having a black guy play a role that has been a grizzled white guy since the dawn of time, but he's supposed to be a stealthy rock, not a smooth grifter -- Jackson is just the wrong guy for the role.)  Overall, Downey is still solid, and I always like to watch Rockwell and Rourke, so I let it go.  (Mickey Rourke has been in everything, hasn't he?)  There are lot's of characters, but no depth.  Seems like a really wasted opportunity.

 

I'm not sure this one bodes well for related movies to come.  There is lots and lots of bling and a  LOT of foreshadowing for upcoming Marvel movies (The Avengers, Thor and Captain America).  But are we going to get anything more than explosions and flash?  One movie after another just setting up the next movie in the series?  That seems kind of lame.

 

There are some solid battlesuit combat sequences, and at least the characters are fun, if sometimes a little thin than the first movie... not that the first one was a Nabokov novel, of course. But other than eye candy, I don't think this one really offers a whole lot.

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Movie to Skip: Alien Visitor

This isn't a 'terrible' movie, but it's very Australian, if you know what I mean.  It's an extremely preachy pro-environment movie mixed with an awkward human/alien love story where the noble alien (the woman) allows herself to love the stupid (by her advanced civilization standards) man.   I get the feeling that is how ALL women feel about the men they pair up with - or at least, that's the sense that this movie leaves you with.  Overall, however, the movie is just not that interesting.  It does feel like an idea that could have been better fleshed out if it wasn't so preachy, but this one just doesn't work for me (and the acting was pretty stilted too).

 

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 85)

Movie to See: Mercury Rising

This is an odd one. While it seems like this is going to be an action drama, and for the most part it is, I found it ridiculously sad at times. There was a kind of morbid pall that hangs over the film and is re-visited throughout with small emotional snippets to 'break up' the action. Some action movies rely on comedy to break up the action, this one just keeps reminding you about the horrible things that have happened in order to put the characters in the situations they find themselves in. Of course, in keeping with the action genre, the story itself kind of ludicrous. It's still entertaining, but you have to be willing to do a fair amount of suspending disbelief. I was probably in a good mood when I rated this one, because I'm not sure if I watched it again I'd feel the same way, but I guess I'll recommend it... for now.

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Movie to Skip: The Proposal (2001)

A movie about a sham wedding (yawn), but instead of trying to falsify a relationship for a green card like the 2009 Bullock vehicle of the same name, this one is about a couple of cops going undercover to nab a bad guy. While this is supposed to be a thriller, it's kind of a run of the mill cop movie, at best. Espisito certainly has one up on Bullock for the 'yummy' factor, but, perhaps sadly, the 2009 version is a bit more enjoyable to watch. This one is full of sexual tension that just doesn't materialize and is fairly cliche overall. Cliche can be fun, but it didn't work for this one. Yeah, this isn't a cinematic masterpiece.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 84)

Movie to See: Prey

A doctor, a factory manager and two farmers go out on a boar hunt... and did i mention that they were all french? Yeah, the synopsis really reads like a bad joke, but there are some redeeming qualities to it. So, why is this unlikely group, heading out to hunt down the largest pig I've ever heard of? To get rid of a boar that is terrorizing some of the area wildlife - the thought being that it may be sick or rabid, causing it to attack anything out in the woods. But this isn't just any pig, this is a 350 kilo boar. That's 771 lbs of snarling angry pig! Yowza! 

 

This is an odd little monster tale, a 'nature's revenge' story where greed and over reliance on exploiting nature and technology backfire and people get hurt. So, yeah, you've probably seen this one before, but this one is pretty interesting - gross, but interesting. As a cautionary Eco-disaster tale (in the same vein as Godzilla, when you think about it), with all of the expected results. The one difference between this one and Godzilla, of course, is that this one, surprisingly is that it is actually believable. Yeah. I said it. And for that matter, I recommend it. Unfortunately, you have to read it because it's not in English.
 

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Movie to Skip: Knife Edge

A "chilling haunted house tale" my backside! The DVD box cover lies. This one barely qualifies as a thriller and is, sadly, really predictable. It's not the worst scooby-doo-esque haunted house movie I've ever seen, but it lacks enough originality to make me really care one way or the other how it turns out. It's kind of hard to recommend a movie that you don't care to watch to the end... I did, but it was tough.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 83)

Movie to See: The Nines

This is kind of an awkward film that crushes three storylines into a single flick. All of the actors play different roles in the storylines (although they do tie together), which does make it a little confusing at times. The premise of the film is ok, which I'm not going to share, but not earth shattering. And frankly, I was so interested in the first storyline that I was kind of disappointed that they bothered with the other two at all. I would have been more pleased with the movie if they'd stuck with the first storyline (the most interesting of the three) and then revealed the crazy subplot later. Reynolds does a good job, and the rest of the cast is ok, but the film overall is just a tad weak.

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Movie to Skip: Broken English

This Parker Posey vehicle has its positive elements, but overall is just a little too dramatic and 'chick-flick' for me to get into - especially since it was billed as a 'comedy'. I think the exploration into the inner-woman psyche was just lost on me as a mere man. I couldn't get into it and kept getting distracted, which means it just couldn't hold my attention. Maybe you'll fare better, but I practically skipped it anyway... Just... not that interesting.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 82)

Movie to See: Black Death

This isn't a horror movie, despite the classification. Honestly, it's also not much of an action movie either, so I guess it's an action drama? An odd 'historically inspired' piece, although there is no true 'historical' thread that it pulls from -- well, nothing other than the fact that the black plague and the hunting of witches did occur in the dark ages.

 

Bean is always compelling to watch, even though his character was kind of one dimensional. And it's a simple story, but decently executed. It could have had more action (or a LOT more 'horror') to flesh things out, as the movie was just a little thin. Not terrible, but mostly just "ok."

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Movie to Skip: Sheitan

This is one of those horror movies where there really aren't many 'good' people - either the monsters or the victims - thus, you really don't care if anyone lives or dies. In fact, there are some that you hope kick the bucket pretty early, and it can get a little annoying when some of them continue to stick around.

 

Ultimately this is just a gore fest, and pretty creepy overall. It's not a great movie, and probably would have been better if I could have liked the characters.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 81)

Movie to See: Tora! Tora! Tora!

This feels like a painstakingly historically accurate recreation of the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor - keeping in mind, of course, that history is told from the viewpoint of the winner... This movie explores all of the power players of the day, giving at least some insight into the thinking behind why the attack was made, how it was crafted, and the gambles that all sides made leading up to it. I found that kind of faithful detail very interesting.

 

That having been said, the personalities involved are really more caricatures than fully developed roles. We don't really get to know anyone, and you won't feel like you've gained any keen tactical insight. It's a 'gut check' movie, which is fine. And hey, despite the age of this one, it's still a very interesting watch.

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Movie to Skip: Grizzly Park

Why would a serial killer on the run dress up like a corrections officer and then pretend to be that correction officer... going about the duties of the dead man, rather than just running away? The premise of this movie makes absolutely no sense. Ok, sure, he's a serial killer, which means he probably has a few screws loose. But I just don't get this guy's motivation at all. That is not a good way to hook a viewer into your movie...

 

Funnily, this is the best looking community service crew I've ever seen. Typically when you think of a community service crew, you usually think of a group that looks much more strung out than these folks. Community service Beverly Hills? Nah - too many non-white folks. The "beauty" of the group aside, I don't quite understand their outfits either. What, no orange jump suits? No orange reflective vests? Who wears a mini skirt to perform community service? Even Zsa Zsa wore slacks! And who the heck has heard of a week long community service trip in the mountains? Surely that doesn't really happen -- I just don't believe it. This movie is truly stupid in just about every sense possible.