One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 58)

Movie to See #1: Resident Evil: Afterlife

This one is better than the last one, but not by a lot. I did think that this one was a bit more moody, but that could have been the extremely morose attitudes of the characters and the fact that the writers are not even trying for punchy dialogue anymore. I don't think that this movie is any more bloody than the last, but there are certainly more fight scenes than anything before it. In fact, the movie is really one gun fight after another with very little plot in between. One thing of note is that it is inexplicably Matrix-esque in its over-use of slow motion bullets... apparently the film maker was about 10 years behind the ball on that one and couldn't think of anything original to add to the genre beyond "more of the same."
 
The one-up-manship is pretty hilarious as far as putting the survivors in danger and limiting the numbers of people still around after the t-virus has set in. I mean, just how much worse can they make it, right? I think visually this movie was better than the last, but ultimately there isn't much left to do with this series except make the same movie over and over again. I don't think that's a great idea for any of us, but hopefully we can agree to enjoy this one for what it is and just let it go as gracefully as possible.

Movie to See #2: The Other Guys

Generally a humorous movie with some surprising casting choices for the supporting roles. In fact, one of the more humorous elements is the way that the action "stars" are treated in this film. And Michael Keaton? A great role for him... but wow is he starting to get old!
 
There are some generally decent gags throughout this movie, but some of them are dragged on for waaay too long. Ultimately, however, this movie is pretty much what you expect: a silly gag fest where Will Farrell acts like Will Ferrell, and Mark Wahlberg pretends to be a lot tougher than he is in real life. It's not great, but not the most terrible movie that either Ferrell or Wahlberg have ever made.
 
On a side note, one of the more interesting parts of this film is actually the credit sequence at the very end. I'd be interested in seeing the sources for the information provided there... But anyway, if you like Ferrell at all, then I'd go ahead and check this one out. Much, MUCH better than Bewitched.

Movie to See #3: The Six Wives of Henry Lefay

There are some very humorous moments in this film (even for a Tim Allen movie!), as is to be expected in a film that is centered around the death of serial philanderer... No, really, funeral films are funny. They are always offering up good fodder for humor because people always say and do things you wouldn't expect them to do -- most of which turns out to be absolutely hilarious or just plain shocking.
 
Ultimately, this movie does go down a path that tries too hard to spit polish the relationships of a man inexplicably loved by all the women he serially married and cheated on. That part is more than a little hard to believe in itself. As for the wives, I'm sorry, but even with the kind of money Allen's character supposedly had, I just don't quite see Allen pulling down that many beautiful women (especially soon to be wife #7: scream queen Jenna Dewan (Tamara)), I mean, come on...). And I don't care who Allen sleeps with, Elisha Cuthbert could never be the fruit of those loins... yeah I went there... I think Mr. Lefay should be more than a little suspicious of the pool boy.
 
This movie is funny most of the time, but some things shouldn't be wrapped up in neat little bows. This movie should have been a little darker. There is nothing wrong with a little grit to add some much needed realism to this film.

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Now watch as I dis an entire franchise...

Movie to Skip #1: Robocop

Robocop is a camp classic action movie with gore and action to spare. But honestly, even through the eyes of a thirteen year old, this one is just a little too over-the-top... and kind of stupid. Yeah, it was silly when I was a kid, and it's still silly now. The "technology" used to bring a dead cop back to life as a cyborg is pretty funny when you stop to think about it -- his power chair is essentially a big battery cradle. The "future" presented in this film is also pretty lame. Even dumber sitcoms than those available now, toxic waste lying around just about everywhere, and the super police car of the future: the Ford Taurus. Yikes.
 
This isn't a great movie... and probably would require vast amounts of alcohol to actually "enjoy." So, if you don't like movies that require dangerous levels of inebriation to enjoy, then I'd go ahead and just skip this one. And if you DO like dangerous levels of inebriation while watching movies, then there are actually far better choices than this one for the old boot-and-rally movie marathon.


Movie to Skip #2: Robocop 2

How do I put this? This movie is not as good as the first one... and that's not a ringing endorsement for the first Robocop. Think of one of the worst "cop" movies ever made (Robocop) and then pair it with one of the dumbest "wars" (reads: publicity stunts) ever declared by a sitting U.S. President (the war on drugs), put them in a blender, throw in some hookers... er.. bad actresses, some lame robotic dialogue ("don't do drugs"), some ridiculously addictive fictional drugs (because apparently the real ones aren't serious enough to stop), aaaaand you get Robocop 2. This one really, really isn't worth your time.

Movie to Skip #3:  Robocop 3

Yeah, when Peter Weller won't even stick around to do your movie, and the only other main character to feature in the first two (Nancy Allen) convinces the director to kill her off before the movie is halfway over, then you KNOW the flick is going to suck... and it did. I would like to tell you exactly how pathetic this movie was, but I don't think it would be fair to me to have to recount this movie since I've already had to sit through it once. Frankly, I think the only way you're going to get me to sit through this movie again is to tie me up and prop my eye lids open, because I will not be doing it willingly. I once read a rumor that Guantanamo Bay imported 30 copies of this film to be used for interrogation purposes. All I have to say about that is I think water boarding was a much less psychologically scarring practice. Ack! What a horrible movie.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 57)

Movie to See #1: City Island

Secrets and lies are difficult to keep over long periods of time without them eating away at you slowly. And the bigger those secrets, the deeper and deeper they will erode your core, hollowing you out until you are just an emotionless ghost, an empty vessel staring up hopelessly at the sword of Damocles as it sways ever so slightly under the strain of a rapidly fraying rope. In this movie, the secrets at stake are filled with such dramatic weight, that when you see these monumental icebergs of secrecy drifting slowly towards one another, you just KNOW that the collision is going to be terrible; years and YEARS of lies, coupled with a dizzying array of new ones as it gets more and more difficult to keep old skeletons from bursting out of the closet. And yet, when the time finally comes, and the dramatic tension is at its absolute height, the result is hilarious! 

 

The cast is amazing; everyone feels genuine and likeable. Yes, the complicated twists and turns are unbelievable if you sit down and read them on paper, but the actors in this film did a great job of making you believe that sometimes, and only sometimes, an absurd compilation of insanity can hover like an impossibly dark rain cloud over a single family. This is simply one of the best independent comedies I've seen in a while, with fantastic execution. I don't say it often, but this one isn't one that should be passed by lightly..

Movie to See #2: The Specials

This movie pretty much boils down to a tiff between groups of super heroes... where super powers are questionable, and the movie's budget was even more questionable. While I thought this one was going to be pretty lame, it was actually surprisingly funny... although probably in one of those 'the less you expect from it, the better it will be' kind of way. The movie is actually pretty dark, but it's silly enough to get away with it. Overall, a pretty good independent comedy... and a MUCH better movie for Jordan Ladd than Cabin Fever...

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Movie to Skip #1: Ong Bak 3: The Final Battle

I like tony Jaa, but this was an odd and unnecessary elongation of the Ong Bak series. The prequel to the original, Ong Bak 2 was a stretch, but it worked for the most part. An oddity, however, is that I thought Ong Bak 2 ended with the main character's death... apparently I was mistaken and it was a "cliffhanger" ending. So, I guess that makes Ong Bak 3 a second prequel? Why?! It's like George Lucas opened up pandora's box of stupid prequel ideas and no one can shut the damn thing - but at least there was no JarJar character. Like the previous two films, the fighting scenes are still good, damn good actually, but the story felt like a re-tread of #2, which made the film kind of pointless. It probably would have been best to just cram this story into the second film instead of putting together a third.


Movie to Skip #2: Septem8er Tapes

I think this movie wants to be the Blair Witch of war. But because this movie is entirely fictional, the thrust of the movie's "message" loses a lot of its appeal. Because of the Blair formula that you can see unraveling throughout, this is not a surprise ending. There just simply is no real cliffhanger, despite attempt to create one.
Unfortunately, despite the visceral nature of the film (or perhaps because of it) the movie can be hard to follow at times. The camera work and the babbling dialogue of the characters creates a bit of a disconnect that I didn't enjoy. While these things give the movie a genuine feel, I hate having to rewind a movie because I'm missing lines. Ultimately, not my cup of tea. Close, but no cigar...

 

THQ Still Loves GW

With the upcoming release of THQ's Space Marine, there is a bit of chatter as to whether or not Space Marine is just another Gears of War clone.  As THIS REVIEW will tell you, that claim is utter nonsense!  Below are a couple of screen shots that accompany the review:

Ok, so this wasn't much of a post, but I'm getting jazzed for the release of this game!  September just can't come soon enough...

DIY: 40k Conversions - Conversion Beamer

One really cool option that is seldom played on the 40k table by vanilla marine armies is the Master of the Forge.  Most people don't like him because: (a) he doesn't have an invulnerable save, and (b) he is essentially a two-wound version of the techmarine, which can be purchased for much less, and without taking up an HQ slot.  But there is one really awesome piece of equipment that is available to the Master that can not be purchased anywhere else... in the entire game: the conversion beamer. A conversion beamer is an odd little device that has a variable strength and ap value based upon the distance to your target... but the further away from your target you get, the better it works.  And at a 72" max range, you're most effective when almost nothing else in the game can touch you.  The odd thing about this little device?  Nobody knows what it looks like!  No model has been made for it since at least the Rogue Trader days, and that's the last time a picture was produced too.  While this may cause some people frustration, I think it's a great opportunity for some conversion work.

(The RT conversion beamer in all its black and white glory.)

Interestingly, most likely because most current 40k players either didn't play the game back in RT, or much more disturbingly, simply weren't alive yet, there have been many attempts at capturing what the conversion beamer should look like:

From Stillfrosty at LINK:

Note in this version the conversion beamer uses a 'dish' to beam the deadly signal, but is essentially the size of a bolter. 

From Digitaldaggers on the Bolter and Chainsword forums LINK: 

This thing looks like it's mostly centered around a plasma cannon, but that thing is massive!  Talk about the extreme opposite from the bolter version.

From Gurth on the Botler and Chainsword forums LINK:

Take a good look at the guy in the middle.  This is an amazing scratch version of the conversion beamer that has been given to some rogue trader era space marines... back when even a humble foot soldier could carry them into battle.  I don't know if Gurth actually made this model or if he just found it on the web somewhere, but I do seem to recall that someone, somewhere, scratch built and then cast that thing for his own personal use...

From WeeMan LINK:

This one is also based on some RT era parts, but relies on the old plasma cannon for its design.  Note that in this model you will see a fairly popular trend to put the master on a bike.  It makes sense that if you're going to want to fire that weapon at maximum range, then you need to be able to move fast enough to fire it that way!  By putting him on a bike you don't have to tie up a transport, and that extra toughness boost doesn't hurt either... even though S8 weapons will still make him go splat.

From Stillfrosty LINK:

I think this is a model that Stillfrosty found on the web when trying to figure out how he was going to do his own version, but I could be mistaken.  Either way, note that this is another massive version of the beamer, and has even been loaded onto a sidecar like WeeMen's version.  It's interesting to see that some people have decided a man portable relic should have the profile of a small tank...

From Turbo_MMX on the dakkadakka forums LINK:

This is, by far, my favorite version of the beamer, and I used it as the basis for my own conversion.  Note that as a plasma gun, it's still about the size of a bolter, but with the addition of the dish on front and the clever targeting module from the Ravenwing sprue, this thing becomes something just a little beefier than your typical hand weapon.  Also like Turbo_MMX, I decided to put mine on a bike as well, to take full advantage of the need for mobility and the toughness boost, without having to use the larger sidecar footprint. 
 
This conversion is deceptively simple, and you can pull it off without any step-by-step instructions, although there should be some within that dakka page I've cited above.
 
Although I do not have a picture of mine up here yet, I'll do so once I've thrown some paint on it.  I prefer not to show my models in their ugly naked stages, but I think you'll find some fairly common similarities between my model and the one above.  When I get around to painting my own Master of the Forge, I'll be sure to post him up here as an update... or as a page by himself with a link back to this page.
 
But what should we learn from all of these pictures?  Sometimes not having everything spelled out by GW creates great opportunities for real creativity to flow in the creation of your conversions.  At least, that's my take on it...