Movie to See #1: Resident Evil: Afterlife
This one is better than the last one, but not by a lot. I did think that this one was a bit more
moody, but that could have been the extremely morose attitudes of the characters and the fact that
the writers are not even trying for punchy dialogue anymore. I don't think that this movie is any more
bloody than the last, but there are certainly more fight scenes than anything before it. In fact, the
movie is really one gun fight after another with very little plot in between. One thing of note is that
it is inexplicably Matrix-esque in its over-use of slow motion bullets... apparently the film maker was
about 10 years behind the ball on that one and couldn't think of anything original to add to the genre
beyond "more of the same."
The one-up-manship is pretty hilarious as far as putting the survivors in danger and limiting the
numbers of people still around after the t-virus has set in. I mean, just how much worse can they make it,
right? I think visually this movie was better than the last, but ultimately there isn't much left
to do with this series except make the same movie over and over again. I don't think that's a great idea for
any of us, but hopefully we can agree to enjoy this one for what it is and just let it go as gracefully as
possible.
Movie to See #2: The Other Guys
Generally a humorous movie with some surprising casting choices for the supporting roles. In fact, one
of the more humorous elements is the way that the action "stars" are treated in this film. And Michael
Keaton? A great role for him... but wow is he starting to get old!
There are some generally decent gags throughout this movie, but some of them are dragged on for waaay too long.
Ultimately, however, this movie is pretty much what you expect: a silly gag fest where Will Farrell acts like
Will Ferrell, and Mark Wahlberg pretends to be a lot tougher than he is in real life. It's not great, but not
the most terrible movie that either Ferrell or Wahlberg have ever made.
On a side note, one of the more interesting parts of this film is actually the credit sequence at the very
end. I'd be interested in seeing the sources for the information provided there... But anyway, if you like
Ferrell at all, then I'd go ahead and check this one out. Much, MUCH better than
Bewitched.
Movie to See #3: The Six Wives of Henry Lefay
There are some very humorous moments in this film (even for a Tim Allen movie!), as is to be expected
in a film that is centered around the death of serial philanderer... No, really, funeral films are funny.
They are always offering up good fodder for humor because people always say and do things you wouldn't expect
them to do -- most of which turns out to be absolutely hilarious or just plain shocking.
Ultimately, this movie does go down a path that tries too hard to spit polish the relationships of a
man inexplicably loved by all the women he serially married and cheated on. That part is more than a little
hard to believe in itself. As for the wives, I'm sorry, but even with the kind of money Allen's character
supposedly had, I just don't quite see Allen pulling down
that many beautiful women (especially soon
to be wife #7: scream queen Jenna Dewan (
Tamara)), I mean, come on...). And I don't care who Allen sleeps
with, Elisha Cuthbert could never be the fruit of those loins... yeah I went there... I think Mr. Lefay
should be more than a little suspicious of the pool boy.
This movie is funny most of the time, but some things shouldn't be wrapped up in neat little bows.
This movie should have been a little darker. There is nothing wrong with a little grit to add some much
needed realism to this film.
Now watch as I dis an entire franchise...
Movie to Skip #1: Robocop
Robocop is a camp classic action movie with gore and action to spare. But honestly, even through
the eyes of a thirteen year old, this one is just a little too over-the-top... and kind of stupid. Yeah, it
was silly when I was a kid, and it's still silly now. The "technology" used to bring a dead cop back to life as
a cyborg is pretty funny when you stop to think about it -- his power chair is essentially a big battery cradle.
The "future" presented in this film is also pretty lame. Even dumber sitcoms than those available now, toxic
waste lying around just about everywhere, and the super police car of the future: the Ford Taurus. Yikes.
This isn't a great movie... and probably would require vast amounts of alcohol to actually "enjoy." So, if
you don't like movies that require dangerous levels of inebriation to enjoy, then I'd go ahead and just skip
this one. And if you DO like dangerous levels of inebriation while watching movies, then there are actually
far better choices than this one for the old boot-and-rally movie marathon.
Movie to Skip #2: Robocop 2
How do I put this? This movie is not as good as the first one... and that's not a ringing endorsement for
the first
Robocop. Think of one of the worst "cop" movies ever made (
Robocop) and then pair
it with one of the dumbest "wars" (reads: publicity stunts) ever declared by a sitting U.S. President (the
war on drugs), put them in a blender, throw in some hookers... er.. bad actresses, some lame robotic dialogue
("don't do drugs"), some ridiculously addictive fictional drugs (because apparently the real ones aren't
serious enough to stop), aaaaand you get
Robocop 2. This one really, really isn't worth your time.
Movie to Skip #3: Robocop 3
Yeah, when Peter Weller won't even stick around to do your movie, and the only other main character to
feature in the first two (Nancy Allen) convinces the director to kill her off before the movie is halfway over,
then you KNOW the flick is going to suck... and it did. I would like to tell you
exactly how pathetic
this movie was, but I don't think it would be fair to me to have to recount this movie since I've already had
to sit through it once. Frankly, I think the only way you're going to get me to sit through this movie again
is to tie me up and prop my eye lids open, because I will
not be doing it willingly. I once read a
rumor that Guantanamo Bay imported 30 copies of this film to be used for interrogation purposes. All I have to
say about that is I think water boarding was a
much less psychologically scarring practice. Ack! What
a horrible movie.
