Movie to See: Breast Picture
My grandmother would be very disappointed with me for watching this film. But you know what, it really
wasn't that bad; it's not nearly as 'explicit' as you would expect a movie about porn stars to be, and not
as pedantic as a movie about making a movie would normally be... and it's even funny most of the time! That
having been said, however, if you have an aversion to seeing breasts on film, then you prooobably shouldn't
see this one. It is a FAR cry from the monumentally bad
Showgirls in the over-doing breast exposure
department (I think Verhoeven required a minimum of 13 naked women in every scene), but this movie does
not shy away from boobage... I'm pretty sure that word isn't in the OED.
The characters in this one were well developed, if poorly acted (it's a low budget film, what do you really
expect?), although the plot is fairly self-serving and about as 'deep' as your average '80s flick: a film maker
desperately wants to make his artistic masterpiece but can't get funding for anything but porn. Gee, if I had
a nickel for every time that's happened to me. Am I right?
Overall,
Breast Picture is definitely a late night movie that your wife will not want to watch with
you. Actually, she may not want you to watch it all... but hey, it's a free country and you are king of the
castle (when she's not home...). A watchable movie. For guys. Although the story and the comedy, without
the visuals, is really for everyone.
Movie to Skip: The Human Centipede: First Sequence
In short: I hated it. This was a sick gross out film from the very start, written with the
creativity of a stunted sixth greater with serious psychological problems. My hat's off to the
poor actors who spent most of the film face-to-butt, BUT, surely they could have done something
more respectable as actors... like wearing a food costume for a Los Angeles area restaurant... or
prostitution... or running for public office. (Ok, maybe they haven't sunk
quite that low...).
Anyway, this is one of those films that should not have been written and most certainly should
not have been filmed. Please, if you have any self-respect, you should skip this stupid film. Tom
Six does
not deserve the time of day for this crap, and it would be better for all of us if
he never worked in film again.
