One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 61)

Movie to See: The Expendables

Don't get me wrong, this is not a great film. Not a good one either, actually, but it probably has enough eye candy to carry it for the genre. It's an action flick where tons of famous actions stars beat each other up for a couple of hours. There is an impossible mission, and our impossible mission force of invincible good guys go out and execute that impossible mission. Do they succeed? Well, you've actually seen an action movie before, right? Then I think you already know how this one will end...
 
Yeah, this film could have been MUCH better. (Maybe if Chuck Norris had been invited to the party...) But if you go into this one thinking you're going to get a great script and a complicated mind-bending plot, then you're fooling yourself and are definitely setting yourself up for disappointment. This is about explosions, damsels in distress, blood, guns, and a stupid number of moments where the good guys get to flex their sweaty muscles for the camera. If you don't like that, then you really won't like this. If you do like that, then this one will at least satiate your need to see a few things blow up.


Move to Skip: Stone

This movie really should have worked. The cast is great; with De Niro, Norton and Jovovich, you can be rest assured that the acting portion of this movie is well in hand. No problems there. And frankly, the storyline for this movie was also pretty interesting. There was plenty of opportunity for an exploration into the seediest, darkest elements of the human soul... But there was just something about the execution of this film that was completely lost on me. I didn't find much "thrill" in this thriller. In fact, the pace is pretty flat, and the plot is fairly predictable. It's worst sin, however, is that there is no one in this film that you really care about. All of the real victims are fringe characters, and their destinies and personal trials seem very distant from the main action of the film. In fact, it is the story arc behind the main action of the film that really sets up the action with our main three characters -- we just never get to explore the behind-the-scenes story (except for bookend segments that frame the main story).
  
While this kind of plot-feint may have worked in a quirky film like Rosecrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, this wasn't a quirky film. Further, that film only worked because everybody (or at least anyone who would bother watching it) already knows the story of Hamlet, so looking at the story on the sidelines of our would-be assassins was kind of interesting and amusing. Unfortunately, in this movie, I just really didn't care about the side bar characters (played by the heavyweight actors) or their predictable trysts. And because I didn't know the over-arching drama where the Norton/Jovovich/De Niro action was taking place, the truly sympathetic story arc is completely lost. That made it hard to really care about what happened in the camera's eye. Ultimately, it felt more like a wasted opportunity than a seedy drama. A rare miss for the big three actors in this film.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 60)

Movie to See: Brick

This little movie is all about the grit of Film Noir meets the modern American high school flick. A train wreck, right? Surprisingly, it is actually fairly complementary to the older genre. There is plenty of intrigue and canned heroism to go around -- not to mention the sheer silliness of inserting such a dark and seedy underbelly into a world of crushes and hormones. The humor of such a stark dichotomy is aptly demonstrated by scenes that just can't match the mood of the film. For instance, after the most powerful drug dealer in town (a weaselly little kid with a couple of heavies to do his dirty work) has just kidnapped and then spent the entire evening torturing our investigative hero for information, the two sit down across from one another at the kitchen table to do the traditional villain/hero stalemate stare-down... all while the bad guy's mom is trying to serve them breakfast in near anachronistic Leave it to Beaver fashion -- completely oblivious to the dark tenor of the boys at the table or the menacing presence of the two high school thugs flanking the mental combatants. It begs the question as to whether or not high school really is as dark and seedy as the scenes we're watching, or if it just feels that way when you're a kid -- hence why all the adults seem to miss out on the dark plots threaded throughout their sleepy little town. Well done. An amusing trip. Shockingly dark at times, but ultimately perfectly balanced between slapstick absurdity and a serious detective story.

Movie to Skip: Perkins 14

This one is a predictable slasher in just about every sense: people who should be smart are stupid, people who should be stupid victims are out saving the day, the "monsters" are practically invincible, and the simple solution is just too hard for everyone to grasp. That, in and of itself, doesn't completely kill a movie as many writers and directors have managed to pull this kind of thing off despite (or perhaps because of) the predictability. But in this one, there is just too much that doesn't feel right. For instance, there is an oddly vicious group of rebel teens that act out just a little too strongly without apparent reason, a philandering spouse with some bizarre (and apparently unearned) hate issues, an uber villain that doesn't last long enough to give us the keys to the master plan, and the creation of the monsters that ultimately thrash the town is kind of hard to buy into -- I mean, I buy the re-programming angle, but seriously? Unfortunately all of these small problems add up to a film that just doesn't satisfy. At best it is a low rent gore fest that could have been much much better if some care had been taken to craft the characters a little more fully. Oh, and a little care could have been spent on the plot... even though this is just a slasher film...

By the time this posts...

Yeah, I'm sure that by the time this thing actually posts (I try to get a good number of reserve posts up to automatically post so that I don't have to scramble at the last minute), the new Conan the Barbarian movie will only be a month away, but I think there is room for a post here anyway.  The cheesy trilogy (counting Red Sonja) was one of my favorite action/fantasy movie series growing up (long before the far superior Lord of the Rings trilogy came along), so I'm interested to see how this turns out.  I followed the Stargate: Atlantis series back when Scifi Fridays* was a 'thing' that geeks like I participated in, so I'm pretty sure I know what to expect from Jason Momoa - although admittedly I thought he was a smallish choice (recognizing that the concept of Conan being a bodybuilder was created entirely by the fact that Schwarzenegger played him in the movies - he was much smaller in the comic books and original stories).  But it will be a nice change of pace for the character to be played by someone that can enunciate...

So, to celebrate this upcoming movie, I offer for you a movie poster and the trailer for your viewing pleasure.  I'm not entirely jazzed that it's in 3D, as most movies I've seen that way have been more 'miss' than 'hit' in recent years, but hopefully it won't suck.  Not that it would probably matter to me anyway.  The chances that I'll see this one in the theater (reads: before it comes out on Netflix) are pretty slim.  But anyway... on to the eye candy:

* Scifi Fridays: before the Syfy channel changed its name, there was a period of a few years where you could watch a trilogy of "original" programming every Friday evening: Stargate, Stargate:Atlantis and Battlestar Galactica.  Probably three of the best series produced by the Scifi/Syfy channel... before or since.  There were various tag along shows that were featured with the trilogy (most of which switched off to a different night, or died altogether), including Eureka, Dresden Files and others, but the staple three were the reason geeks everywhere tuned in. 
 
Why did it change?  Well, we can only speculate as to why poor decisions are made by stupid people, but [RANT ON] the moron President of both USA and Scifi (yeah, she was in charge of both at the same time) discovered that the USA network was losing its market share for that time slot -- losing its share, most likely, to the superior Scifi programming.  But since USA was/is considered a more mainstream network, shows like the more (arguably) mediocre Monk were having a hard time competing with the superior Scifi offerings, there was an assumption that the Scifi channel was essentially robbing Peter to pay Paul (i.e. the USA and Scifi audiences were largely the same people), and USA had the bigger advertising dollars, something had to give.  And geekdom suffered.
 
The result: the Scifi programs that were the anchor of Scifi Friday eventually petered out once they were spread out over the week -- hence giving people that would have only watched one or two of the programs no reason to sit through the extra two hours of commercials.  Thus, three great programs died, and the inferior (arguably) Monk got to limp along for more seasons than it deserved. 

Thank you television executives for proving, once again, that just because you've got your head so far up your butts that you can see daylight does not mean that you're in the clear.  Your head is still in your butt.  And no the smell will not go away until you remove it.
 
Oh, but yeah, that's all speculation...

[RANT OFF].

 

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 59)

Movie to See: Breast Picture

My grandmother would be very disappointed with me for watching this film. But you know what, it really wasn't that bad; it's not nearly as 'explicit' as you would expect a movie about porn stars to be, and not as pedantic as a movie about making a movie would normally be... and it's even funny most of the time! That having been said, however, if you have an aversion to seeing breasts on film, then you prooobably shouldn't see this one. It is a FAR cry from the monumentally bad Showgirls in the over-doing breast exposure department (I think Verhoeven required a minimum of 13 naked women in every scene), but this movie does not shy away from boobage... I'm pretty sure that word isn't in the OED.
 
The characters in this one were well developed, if poorly acted (it's a low budget film, what do you really expect?), although the plot is fairly self-serving and about as 'deep' as your average '80s flick: a film maker desperately wants to make his artistic masterpiece but can't get funding for anything but porn. Gee, if I had a nickel for every time that's happened to me. Am I right?
 
Overall, Breast Picture is definitely a late night movie that your wife will not want to watch with you. Actually, she may not want you to watch it all... but hey, it's a free country and you are king of the castle (when she's not home...). A watchable movie. For guys. Although the story and the comedy, without the visuals, is really for everyone.
 

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Movie to Skip: The Human Centipede: First Sequence

In short: I hated it. This was a sick gross out film from the very start, written with the creativity of a stunted sixth greater with serious psychological problems. My hat's off to the poor actors who spent most of the film face-to-butt, BUT, surely they could have done something more respectable as actors... like wearing a food costume for a Los Angeles area restaurant... or prostitution... or running for public office. (Ok, maybe they haven't sunk quite that low...).
 
Anyway, this is one of those films that should not have been written and most certainly should not have been filmed. Please, if you have any self-respect, you should skip this stupid film. Tom Six does not deserve the time of day for this crap, and it would be better for all of us if he never worked in film again.

Borrowed Hobby Tips: Making Your Army Standout

Once again stealing... er *borrowing* hobby tips from greater bloggers than myself, I am re-posting the blog post below from the fantastic "From the Warp" blog.  This one, entitled, "5 Things to Make Your Army Standout" is a lot of simple but great advice.  The original article can be found HERE.  Please leave any comments on the original poster's blog as I don't deserve any credit for its manufacture.

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A long time ago (in the blogging world), I posted about making your army stand out. I had a few pics of some nice looking armies done by other gamers to show what I was talking about.

The question I was looking at was how we all go about making our armies stand out from the crowd and how we make them our own.

Since I'm building my new Deathwing (eventually), I find myself struggling with how to make them look different from the rest of the forces out there. And by different, I don't mean painting them orange or anything like that even though I'm sure that would work.

I find myself struggling with the tiniest of things like how I'm going to paint the chapter symbol on their right shoulder so that it looks like something more than just a red blob sitting there. How I'm going to paint the bases to show that these guys are on a specific planet and not just another "battlefield?"

So I got to thinking, what can we as gamers do to make our armies stand out and what are some of the more common solutions I've seen out there.

1. Swapping out certain bits
This one is one of the easiest. Nothing more than a simple head swap or change of arms to give a model a different look. The big thing with this is that it doesn't require extensive greenstuff skills to pull off well. A well placed bit can change everything on a model.

2. Adding bits/trophies, etc.
Along the lines of the first one, this is more of adding things to models. Things like backpacks, gun scopes, swords or anything like that. This one has the benefit of tying all your guys together too to give them a unified look.

3. Conversion work
Once you start greenstuffing... it can be hard to stop. This is the next step after swapping out or adding on bits. You start making your own stuff or making things fit that wouldn't normally. This can be real simple like a pelt or real complex like a full length cloak on a model. The sky is the limit here.

4. Your paint scheme
Whether you go with the Codex approved paint job or you make up your own, trying out a new color or method can make huge difference. Who cares if their guns are always red? Paint them blue or another color and see what it does to the look of the army. That might be all you need to rise above the rest of the crowd.

Maybe it's a simple detail line an icon or a line around the border of an element. It doesn't always have to be complex.

Maybe it's really nothing more than adding that one last layer of detail in terms of a final wash or line highlight or one last well defined shadow to your rank and file guys to finish them off.

5. Your basing
With the explosion of resin bases out there these days, it's become very easy to get a nice environmental feel to your force for just a little bit more work. Working with resin can seem daunting for some folks, but it's fairly easy actually.

And even if you don't go the resin route, simply completing the basing on your army improves the look ten fold I think. There's nothing wrong at all with a basic textured base that is painted well.

In the end, it shouldn't take much to get a good looking force that stands out from everything else out there. Nothing says you have to have a fully scratchbuilt army to look good. Just changing one little thing can be enough to make your guys really look sharp.

As for me, I'm thinking about adding tabards to my Terminators (all ten of them) to give them a different look. Of course then I have to figure out what color I'm going to paint them so that I don't look like everyone else out there. 

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 58)

Movie to See #1: Resident Evil: Afterlife

This one is better than the last one, but not by a lot. I did think that this one was a bit more moody, but that could have been the extremely morose attitudes of the characters and the fact that the writers are not even trying for punchy dialogue anymore. I don't think that this movie is any more bloody than the last, but there are certainly more fight scenes than anything before it. In fact, the movie is really one gun fight after another with very little plot in between. One thing of note is that it is inexplicably Matrix-esque in its over-use of slow motion bullets... apparently the film maker was about 10 years behind the ball on that one and couldn't think of anything original to add to the genre beyond "more of the same."
 
The one-up-manship is pretty hilarious as far as putting the survivors in danger and limiting the numbers of people still around after the t-virus has set in. I mean, just how much worse can they make it, right? I think visually this movie was better than the last, but ultimately there isn't much left to do with this series except make the same movie over and over again. I don't think that's a great idea for any of us, but hopefully we can agree to enjoy this one for what it is and just let it go as gracefully as possible.

Movie to See #2: The Other Guys

Generally a humorous movie with some surprising casting choices for the supporting roles. In fact, one of the more humorous elements is the way that the action "stars" are treated in this film. And Michael Keaton? A great role for him... but wow is he starting to get old!
 
There are some generally decent gags throughout this movie, but some of them are dragged on for waaay too long. Ultimately, however, this movie is pretty much what you expect: a silly gag fest where Will Farrell acts like Will Ferrell, and Mark Wahlberg pretends to be a lot tougher than he is in real life. It's not great, but not the most terrible movie that either Ferrell or Wahlberg have ever made.
 
On a side note, one of the more interesting parts of this film is actually the credit sequence at the very end. I'd be interested in seeing the sources for the information provided there... But anyway, if you like Ferrell at all, then I'd go ahead and check this one out. Much, MUCH better than Bewitched.

Movie to See #3: The Six Wives of Henry Lefay

There are some very humorous moments in this film (even for a Tim Allen movie!), as is to be expected in a film that is centered around the death of serial philanderer... No, really, funeral films are funny. They are always offering up good fodder for humor because people always say and do things you wouldn't expect them to do -- most of which turns out to be absolutely hilarious or just plain shocking.
 
Ultimately, this movie does go down a path that tries too hard to spit polish the relationships of a man inexplicably loved by all the women he serially married and cheated on. That part is more than a little hard to believe in itself. As for the wives, I'm sorry, but even with the kind of money Allen's character supposedly had, I just don't quite see Allen pulling down that many beautiful women (especially soon to be wife #7: scream queen Jenna Dewan (Tamara)), I mean, come on...). And I don't care who Allen sleeps with, Elisha Cuthbert could never be the fruit of those loins... yeah I went there... I think Mr. Lefay should be more than a little suspicious of the pool boy.
 
This movie is funny most of the time, but some things shouldn't be wrapped up in neat little bows. This movie should have been a little darker. There is nothing wrong with a little grit to add some much needed realism to this film.

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Now watch as I dis an entire franchise...

Movie to Skip #1: Robocop

Robocop is a camp classic action movie with gore and action to spare. But honestly, even through the eyes of a thirteen year old, this one is just a little too over-the-top... and kind of stupid. Yeah, it was silly when I was a kid, and it's still silly now. The "technology" used to bring a dead cop back to life as a cyborg is pretty funny when you stop to think about it -- his power chair is essentially a big battery cradle. The "future" presented in this film is also pretty lame. Even dumber sitcoms than those available now, toxic waste lying around just about everywhere, and the super police car of the future: the Ford Taurus. Yikes.
 
This isn't a great movie... and probably would require vast amounts of alcohol to actually "enjoy." So, if you don't like movies that require dangerous levels of inebriation to enjoy, then I'd go ahead and just skip this one. And if you DO like dangerous levels of inebriation while watching movies, then there are actually far better choices than this one for the old boot-and-rally movie marathon.


Movie to Skip #2: Robocop 2

How do I put this? This movie is not as good as the first one... and that's not a ringing endorsement for the first Robocop. Think of one of the worst "cop" movies ever made (Robocop) and then pair it with one of the dumbest "wars" (reads: publicity stunts) ever declared by a sitting U.S. President (the war on drugs), put them in a blender, throw in some hookers... er.. bad actresses, some lame robotic dialogue ("don't do drugs"), some ridiculously addictive fictional drugs (because apparently the real ones aren't serious enough to stop), aaaaand you get Robocop 2. This one really, really isn't worth your time.

Movie to Skip #3:  Robocop 3

Yeah, when Peter Weller won't even stick around to do your movie, and the only other main character to feature in the first two (Nancy Allen) convinces the director to kill her off before the movie is halfway over, then you KNOW the flick is going to suck... and it did. I would like to tell you exactly how pathetic this movie was, but I don't think it would be fair to me to have to recount this movie since I've already had to sit through it once. Frankly, I think the only way you're going to get me to sit through this movie again is to tie me up and prop my eye lids open, because I will not be doing it willingly. I once read a rumor that Guantanamo Bay imported 30 copies of this film to be used for interrogation purposes. All I have to say about that is I think water boarding was a much less psychologically scarring practice. Ack! What a horrible movie.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 57)

Movie to See #1: City Island

Secrets and lies are difficult to keep over long periods of time without them eating away at you slowly. And the bigger those secrets, the deeper and deeper they will erode your core, hollowing you out until you are just an emotionless ghost, an empty vessel staring up hopelessly at the sword of Damocles as it sways ever so slightly under the strain of a rapidly fraying rope. In this movie, the secrets at stake are filled with such dramatic weight, that when you see these monumental icebergs of secrecy drifting slowly towards one another, you just KNOW that the collision is going to be terrible; years and YEARS of lies, coupled with a dizzying array of new ones as it gets more and more difficult to keep old skeletons from bursting out of the closet. And yet, when the time finally comes, and the dramatic tension is at its absolute height, the result is hilarious! 

 

The cast is amazing; everyone feels genuine and likeable. Yes, the complicated twists and turns are unbelievable if you sit down and read them on paper, but the actors in this film did a great job of making you believe that sometimes, and only sometimes, an absurd compilation of insanity can hover like an impossibly dark rain cloud over a single family. This is simply one of the best independent comedies I've seen in a while, with fantastic execution. I don't say it often, but this one isn't one that should be passed by lightly..

Movie to See #2: The Specials

This movie pretty much boils down to a tiff between groups of super heroes... where super powers are questionable, and the movie's budget was even more questionable. While I thought this one was going to be pretty lame, it was actually surprisingly funny... although probably in one of those 'the less you expect from it, the better it will be' kind of way. The movie is actually pretty dark, but it's silly enough to get away with it. Overall, a pretty good independent comedy... and a MUCH better movie for Jordan Ladd than Cabin Fever...

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Movie to Skip #1: Ong Bak 3: The Final Battle

I like tony Jaa, but this was an odd and unnecessary elongation of the Ong Bak series. The prequel to the original, Ong Bak 2 was a stretch, but it worked for the most part. An oddity, however, is that I thought Ong Bak 2 ended with the main character's death... apparently I was mistaken and it was a "cliffhanger" ending. So, I guess that makes Ong Bak 3 a second prequel? Why?! It's like George Lucas opened up pandora's box of stupid prequel ideas and no one can shut the damn thing - but at least there was no JarJar character. Like the previous two films, the fighting scenes are still good, damn good actually, but the story felt like a re-tread of #2, which made the film kind of pointless. It probably would have been best to just cram this story into the second film instead of putting together a third.


Movie to Skip #2: Septem8er Tapes

I think this movie wants to be the Blair Witch of war. But because this movie is entirely fictional, the thrust of the movie's "message" loses a lot of its appeal. Because of the Blair formula that you can see unraveling throughout, this is not a surprise ending. There just simply is no real cliffhanger, despite attempt to create one.
Unfortunately, despite the visceral nature of the film (or perhaps because of it) the movie can be hard to follow at times. The camera work and the babbling dialogue of the characters creates a bit of a disconnect that I didn't enjoy. While these things give the movie a genuine feel, I hate having to rewind a movie because I'm missing lines. Ultimately, not my cup of tea. Close, but no cigar...