One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 80)

Movie to See: Cecil B. Demented

I am not a John Waters fan in any sense, but I did enjoy the way he flipped off the status quo in Hollywood with this film. Although many directors and movies give lip service to doing things their own way, this one is crude enough to show Hollywood that this is not a joke - John Waters does NOT like Hollywood.

 

That aside, this is still a John Waters film, which means it has all of the same elements I dislike in his movies: absurdly crude (more than it really needs to be), overly sexed (for no good reason - I mean, I accept that it sometimes has a place...), and generally with an eye to the world as viewed by a hormonal 13 year old. I'm just not impressed by him. I realize he was cutting edge at the time, but now it just looks lame (for me, it hasn't aged well at all). The movie is very "meh," but I still like, and generally approve of, Waters' message in this one. Accordingly, I give it a thumbs up to watch it.

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Movie to Skip: Tell Me Something

This really was a yawn inducing film. The graphic parts of this movie are very convincing, but wholly unnecessary for a movie that is really more of a mystery than a horror movie. I'm not even sure I'd call it a thriller, to be honest, but I suppose there is at least a little suspense. Overall, however, the movie is just mediocre in execution. Throw in the fact that this is a foreign language film (which means you'll have to read everything) and the extra work required to watch this one just doesn't make it worth it. Because of that, I say skip it. There are plenty of other boring mystery films out there in English.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 79)

Movie to See: Creep

This is your classic 'there's something in the basement' scenario, only this time it's the London Tube instead of a creepy farm house in the middle of nowhere. For a "horror" movie, it really is not that scary. And frankly, the origin story of the "creep" is never explained satisfactorily. Throw in a lot of silliness by the victims, and there are certainly some weak points in the movie. (Why these particular people were victims at this point in time is not explained well at all.) But then again, it's pretty much what you'd expect from a modern horror movie otherwise. There's enough suspense to keep you entertained... if you're into this sort of thing, but it will probably never go down in anyone's top 10 list. Not terrible, and worthy of a watch if you're in the mood, but nothing to rush out and see either.

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Movie to Skip: The Ghost

This is Korea's version of "The Ring", but not executed very well. It feels a little too much like a typical western slasher -- a lot of creative killing by the beastly without a whole lot of purpose for doing so. But unlike both the original Japanese film, and maybe even the so-so American re-make, this one feels too unresolved. There are good visuals, but the vengeance element feels really hollow at the 'reveal'. That poor impetus for the supernatural violence turns a mediocre movie towards the path of lame. Watch either version of The Ring instead for a much better movie.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 78)

Movie to See: Dynamite Warrior

I'm beginning to think that I really just don't 'get' thai movies. This one has elements of your typical cheesy action movie: for instance, a bandana sporting super hero riding a home made (large) bottle rocket into battle'. But it also has a bizarre courtship in the middle - all done in the name of preserving ancient ways... Oh, and the ultimate bad guy? Well, the hero is essentially fighting against the introduction of John Deere into the local agriculture heavy economy. It's a really wierd movie, but it looks good, and has some funny (albeit quite ridiculous) fight scenes.

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Movie to Skip: Deadfall Trail

Ok, I get that peyote will make you do some odd stuff, but at what point does it make you go psychotic? I mean making you go psychotic to the point of going native... but not like Native American native, but like neanderthal 'kill all the homo-sapiens' type native. I just don't get that part at all. I realize the writer(s) needed a catalyst for the "horror", but I think he/she/they could have come up with something a tad more believable.
 
There is interesting drama in the film, however, right up to the point where the in-fighting between the characters starts to get bloody. The excessive nature of that broken relationship just doesn't ring true, which is disappointing and kills the story quickly. The unnecessary turn probably pushes this movie into the "don't see" column.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 77)

Movie to See: The Wind That Shakes the Barley

This is a pretty decent historical drama. Best of all (especially for the genre), it's easy to follow, well plotted, well acted and usually well paced. The setting is a very "firey" part of the world, which is always interesting. It did get a little confusing towards the end trying to figure out what each side of the central conflict was trying to accomplish, but that's probably more due to the nature of the region and the situation than anything else. Ultimately, a good watch. It had some slow moments, but still a quality film.

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Movie to Skip: Black Water

Inspired by true events, eh? Well, perhaps some of it I actually believe could have happened. It definitely rings true. But there are some elements of luck that I just don't buy - and probably for very good reason (you'll know what I mean when you see it - after all, there is only so much you can compile from coroner's notes, right?). This has a very strong "people are stupid" theme that makes this movie very believable. It makes you kind of wonder how the hell we ever got to the top of the food chain when we are clearly at the bottom in certain environments. But despite the gritty reality of it, it is too slow overall, which is why it doesn't quite make the cut for films to watch. I mean, if I want to see two people argue for 10 minutes straight about the best way to do something that they probably shouldn't be attempting anyway, I'll turn of the television and ask my significant other to help me plan our landscaping... I don't need to watch it on television. Ultimately, skipable.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 76)

Movie to See: Vampires Anonymous

It's a tough call to put this one up in the 'recommended' column. It has the feel of a silly 80's vampire movie, which you either love or hate. I suspect the writer(s) and director(s) loved 80's vampire movies growing up and took the opportunity to do one of their own - without bothering to really think about whether or not it was a good idea to do so. If you can stomach that kind of film without gouging your eyes out, then you'll probably feel the same way about this one. It's not a great film, probably not even a good one, but passable if you can't find anything else on. I watched it for the sole reason that one of the actors in this movie does a voice for the sponge bob cartoon - I'm pretty sure that's not a valid reason to pick a movie, but whatever. Not too horrible. 

Movie to Skip: Vampires: Out for Blood

What's the deal with Kevin Dillon movies? Do they all suck? Did he just have like one good one, and then... everything else?

 

Examining this movie, there are a few things that pop out to make this movie a stinker: first, the ex-wife is stupid crazy. I don't understand how Dillon's character was every with her, and the writers/directors make no effort to show us why they ever would have been. It's kind of like starting out a movie declaring that Hugh Jackman and Angela Landsbury were married at one point, and then never bothering how to explain how in the sam hell that occured.

 

Second, the whole premise of the movie is just kind of silly, and includes copious amounts of invented vampire lore was kind of pointless - that is, it was not even necessary for the plot (if you'd call it that). Why invent vampire lore and then not actually use that lore to carry the story forward? It just creates confusion and sets you up for even more disappointment... as if that was possible. Overall, this movie is kind of a waste. 

 

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 75)

Movie to See: Paintball

I'm calling this recommended, but perhaps I'll qualify that as only recommended for paintball enthusiasts (No, really!). Now, I'm not just saying that because of the paintball element, but because this is the crazy never-happen scenario that every 13 year old paintballer has played in out in his head while cleaning out his barrel at the end of the day: "What if something REAL happened, and all we had were these paintball guns?" And funnily enough, it's exactly what you expect would happen: paint balls do not equal bullets.

This movie quickly devolved into a chase/survival film, of sorts, and was actually mildly entertaining. The premise and setting is borrowed from the much creepier Hostel, which is interesting, and JUST unique enough to tip this one up from the 'not recommended' group.

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Movie to Skip: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

This movie just feels really long. What's worse, cousin Eustace is even more annoying in person than he was in the books (just shy of Jar-Jar Binks level annoyance for ruining every scene he's in). All that having been said, it is still a great story that is very faithful to the original C.S. Lewis story. And there is enough eye candy to carry this next movie in the series. If you liked the first one, you'll probably be ok with this one too, but it isn't quite as good. If it weren't for problems in continuity, I'd probably just recommend just skipping this one.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 74)

Movie to See: Audition

This movie is a tad long, but it's forgivable once you understand that the point was to make us like certain characters that we usually wouldn't care about in a typical horror movie. What is truly facinating about this movie, which actually starts out with an almost romantic drama pace, is that once this movie takes a turn for the crazy, it goes absolutely freak-show nuts! You know that long slow climb to the top of a roller coaster? Yeah, it's kind of like that. But instead of some extra G's and a few twists and turns, this one plunges you down into a dark hole of decadence that you couldn't predict was around the corner.

 

This one really made me squirm, which is pretty impressive since this movie is more than 12 years old. It is very dark, but great for people who like movies that are actually scary and not just gore-fest slashers. There is definitely a violent streak in this one, but still leans more towards a psychological thriller. But be rest assured, there are still some gross-out elements that many people will not enjoy. There is a reason that many people consider Audition one of the scariest/creepiest movies every made. It's not likely to disappoint. 

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Movie to Skip: Carved: The Slit Mouthed Woman

This is a really weird movie. There is a really twisted mixed message that says child abuse is bad, but it will also somehow also imbue the abuser with the strength to become a murderous ghost that can't be killed... all the while disfiguring and killing the same children you were just abusing. I mean, what?! Ultimate power to those who make a pact with the devil? I don't really get it, which is ultimately why I can't really recommend it. Perhaps there was something lost in translation, as the film, I believe, is in Korean, but it didn't offer much more than a confusing moral thread and a series of cheap thrills. I will give them proper for the creepiness factor, but that's about all that it offers.