DIY: 40k Conversions - Magnetized Land Raider

There are a lot of reasons to utilize magnets when building your vehicles for 40k.  The chief reason, of course, is the fact that GW has made these things so expensive, that it's hard to justify purchasing just a few rather than one for each possible varient.  Apparently the marketing geniuses at GW haven't figued out that if they charged just a little over half of what they do now, everybody would buy twice as many.  So, to avoid extortion... er... the ridiculous expense of buying multiple vehicles, rare earth magnets are a modern modeler's god send.
Because of the expense associated with each kit, the landraider is a common subject for magnets.  There are lots of ways to magnetize the parts to a landraider to make the different varients.  Because all of the parts are now plastic, there are some folks that have come up with some rather ingenious methods for magnetizing each individual gun so that you can just swap them out on the fly.  A great example of this method can be found at The Rollin Waagh: http://therollinwaaagh.blogspot.com/2008/12/magnetized-land-raider.html.  I really like this method and may try it out someday.
When I put mine together, however, the Crusader was still a metal/plastic hybrid kit, and you simply couldn't use magnets in the way shown above.  The bolter assembly was just too heavy for that kind of thing.  So, I came up with my own method -- a method that can also be used for other sponsons, including those on the sides of Baneblades and Predator tanks...
Supplies
The first step for any project is acquiring the tools and supplies you need.  Fortunately, for this project, you don't need much:
- 1 complete Land Raider kit
- 1 Land Raider Crusader/Redeemer sprue set - 2 rare earth magnets
- 2 flat faced screws
- 4 very short screws - computer case screws are great; flat faced if you can find them
- 1 sheet of 1.5mm-2mm plasticard (a/k/a sheet styrene) - nothing thicker is necessary, and anything thinner would be too flimsy
Assembly
(1) Cut out a piece of plasticard that fits over the interior space of the sponson hatch.  I used 2mm sheet because it fit flush with the guide rails.  Neatness is optional.

(2) Screw a flat topped screw directly into the center of the plasticard.  I tapped the hole with a pin drill first.

(3) Next, I put a simple short screw from a computer case directly into the center of the sponson back itself.  It's easiest to do this before you've actually put the whole sponson together so that you can ensure that you're drilling in the center of the hatch from the other side.  I left the screw post sticking out on the other side, which means you can see it, but I don't think it matters either way...

(4) Next up, you need to actually acquire some rare earth magnets.  I purchased mine a long time ago in a packet of about two hundred and fifty that I've never used up.  These things are incredibly strong!  Mine are neodymium (Nd₂Fe₁₄B), which means they were relatively cheap.  But even a tiny one that is only about 1.5mm to 2mm thick is more than enough to hold the sponsons on.

(5) Then assemble the tank.  Follow the instructions.  I have opted to glue all of my hatches shut because I game with my models and don't care for the tiny interior details.  Plus, I don't have to try and lop off the ends of my screws that are sticking into the main body of the tank!

(6) Still assembling.  As you can tell, once the exterior of the tread walls are up, it looks pretty snazzy from the outside.

(7) As you can tell, you then just pop the magnet right on top of the interior screw.  No glue, no mess, no fuss.  The magnet is plenty strong enough to hold both sides together. You can now adjust the interior screw up or down as needed so that the fit is snug between the screws and the magnet.  Once you find the right spot, super glue the screw in place.

(8) And here the sponson is all popped in and ready to go.  Now you just need to make sure you do the same thing with the other side and include a computer case screw in every other sponson hatch you create for it. Just note that you need to put the same size screw in every sponson hatch so that the snug is always fit between the screws and the magnet.
I'm toying with the idea of also putting together a Prometheus set of sponsons as well.  If hurricane bolters are nasty against troops at 24", how deadly are four twin-linked heavy bolters at 36"?  Talk about a rolling anti-horde Devastator Squad...
Anyway, the next step is making a swap out set of hatches for the multi-melta and a swap out set of turrets for the heavy bolters and assault cannons, but that's all pretty straight forward.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 32)

Movie to See: While She Was Out

This is one of those thrillers that is both a suburbanite's worst nightmare, and the ultimate suburbanite's fantasy of vengeance.  Kim Basinger is a powerless housewife in a loveless marriage trapped in the faceless, cold, materialism that in many ways is emblematic of American life.  It's actually a very sad existence, but it's about to get worse.  When Basinger decides to finally act in defiance of the life that is getting her down, and leaves a trite little note on the window of an old beater car in the mall parking lot that is taking up two spaces, her life is about to change for the worse.  To make a long story short, the car belongs to teenage thugs who then spend the rest of the movie trying to chase her down.  Basinger, who quickly finds herself lost in the dark woods that are being converted to yet more suburban housing (albeit well outside of shouting distance for assistance) and being chased by over sexed bloodthirsty teens, is forced to call upon all of the skills the modern suburban housewife has at her disposal to survive... which it turns out (in this film) is a surprising amount of skill...
 

Was this a realistic tale?  Of course not.  There is plenty of suburban myth involved here, and there is also a rather inflated view of Basinger's ability to fend off four young men bent on rape and murder.  That's not to say, however, that it still wasn't fun to see her metamorphosis from suburban victim to angry vengeful spirit of the forest.  An interesting "what if" piece that serves as a cautionary tale to less capable soccer moms who feel compelled to leave annoying notes on people's cars, as well as a warning to teenage boys with an invincibility complex that a woman with a tire iron, trapped in a corner, is probably someone you should take seriously...
 

Recommended?  Yeah, I think so.  It was just fun enough that you could laugh off the improbabilities.  I found myself wondering just what Basinger was going to pull out of her toolbox next, and I enjoyed the vengeance she enacted on the foolish bullies in her life.  It was fun.

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Movie to Skip: The Sex Monster

This is a quiet, self-depreciating flick about a guy, married to Skeletor (ed. That wasn't Skeletor, you jackass, that was Mariel Hemingway...) who decides he wants to spice things up by asking his wife to engage in a three way. She bites, he gets what he wants... and then it turns out that she's the one who is having all the fun. So much fun, in fact, that she becomes an insatiable sexual animal as he gets FAR more than he bargained for.

While the 'thrust' of this movie is the dangers of getting what you asked for, ultimately this is still a guy's wet dream. (I mean, come on, it stars the director of the flick who couldn't help but insert himself in multiple threesomes throughout the movie.) You see, ultimately when a guy thinks he wants a threesome with two girls, he doesn't quite think about how he's going to handle the situation if his partner decides she prefers the fairer sex too... Woe to he who dares open Pandora's... er... box.

While there were several humorous situations throughout the movie, most of the movie's attempts to be funny just come off as eye-rolling silly. And as potentially 'sexy' as the movie could have been, the film maker ultimately takes the high road in most situations and lets us use our imaginations instead. Dang it. This isn't a terrible movie, but I think it's 'life lessions' are fairly limited to the extremely few guys out there who are ballsy enough to try out these waters. For most of us, well, we'll just stick to reading Penthouse letters. This is a fairly non-serious movie that you can feel comfortable watching (without the kids -- and possibly without the missus) when there is absolutely nothing else on that you want to see. It's ok, but don't knock yourself out to see it.

On a slightly creepy note, the opening sequence to the movie are several women (many of which have later roles in the movie) dancing in some rather tight and revealing outfits. This is all well and good until we get to one we see only from the back who is a little larger and manlier than the rest. I thought it was kind of a clever little introduction to our main character/director, and that we are getting a glimpse into some of the psychological shenanigans that we were going to be exploring in the film to come, but it turns out that was Mariel Hemingway. Oops, and Yikes! I'm not saying Skele... I mean Ms. Hemingway isn't beautiful in her own way, but perhaps they should have chosen other dancers that were a little less... curvaceous and petite to gyrate alongside her...

As you will see above, I'v rated both of these movies equally, but when push comes to shove, I guess I can always skip the rom-com...

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 31)

Movie to See: Trick 'r Treat

A playful romp... at least, as much a playful romp as a horror movie about Halloween-centric blood and mayhem can be. Trick 'r Treat is a collection of short scenes of horror, all tied together in a loose concurrent timeline, that all occur one creepy Halloween night. For my money, this is what a lighthearted slasher film should be about.

What's interesting about this movie is that there are constant juxtapositions of innocence and evil. No one is who you think they are, and you can never quite tell when a villain will become a victim... and vice versa. And even more enjoyable is the fact that as a collection of intertwined short stories, you will see a glimpse of the other short stories in each story. This leads to some fun foreshadowing and playing with the viewers expectations -- after all, just because we know whats about to happen in another time line doesn't mean what's happening is what we think is happening.

For horror fans, this is a fun little flick. It isn't a hardcore slasher, but it does play around with 'naughty and nice' enough that it should give all horror fans a chuckle. Good fun, and very much recommended.

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Movie to Skip: Run! Bitch Run!




If you've ever wanted to know what is meant by "exploitation film," Run! Bitch Run! is exactly what that means.  There have been some campy attempts to revive that particular genre of film (Bitch Slap and Black Dynamite come to mind), but for the most part those films have been done  with a tongue-in-cheek approach that make them kind of fun.  In fact, if the newer version of exploitation films are your only exposure to this genre, you will not be ready for this one.  This movie is very brutal, but not in an artistic way.  It is intentionally misogynistic as all of the violence, both by and against women, is intended for your viewing pleasure rather than for any sense of irony or social commentary.  In short, this film is disturbing, disgusting, and probably shouldn't be watched by anyone.

40k: Dirty Tricks (No. 11) - Simple Mathhammer

What is Mathhammer?  Surely you've heard of it if you've been playing 40k for more than a couple of weeks.  But IF you haven't, Mathhammer is simply the application of very simple probability to your game as a predictor of whether or not your next move is likely to be successful. 

Calculating Success and Failure
First, a few basics.  40k is about rolling dice -- a six sided cube where the odds of getting any number to come up during a given roll is 1/6 (or roughly 17%).  Pretty simple, right?  So, if you need to roll a 6 on a single dice, you have a 1/6 or 17% chance to get that 6.

In 40k, however, most of the rolls are expressed as being successful if you roll a certain number and higher/lower.  For instance, a Space Marine armor save is successful on a 3+, which means you will be successful on a 3, 4, 5, or 6.  In other words, if you need a 3+, then you are going to be successful on 4 possible outcomes.  Expressed as a fraction, that's 4/6, or roughly 67%.  (Which is why Space Marines are so tough to bring down!) 

Calculating Success With Several Factors
For better or worse, figuring out whether or not you're going to be successful in a task is not quite as simple as rolling the dice once.  In 40k, if you want to shoot at someone, you've got several dice rolls to make in order to determine if you've ultimately made a successful shot.  You first have the odds of rolling a successful hit.  Then you have to roll those successes to determine how many of those shots will actually cause a wound.  And then you have to determine how many of those wounding dice will be saved by armor or cover.

To calculate the odds of a successful shot, you need to figure in the odds for each stage of the process.  So, consider a bolter fired at a marine, by a marine.  Marines have a BS of 4, so each shot is successful 4 out of 6 times (4/6 or 67% as we figured above).  An S4 weapon fired at a T4 target will wound on a 4+.  Using what we've learned above, that means will be successful 3/6 times, or 50%. 

Personally, I don't like to calculate more than two factors at a time, so this is where I'm going to do my first calculation, even though we will still need to figure in just how many of those shots will be saved.  In order to determine how many of the successful hits will wound, we multiply the odds together: (4/6) * (3/6) = 12/36, or 33%.  This is the chance that your bolter is going to hit and wound a marine.  And if you think about it, this makes perfect sense.  If the shot is only going to wound half the time, and you're going to hit 67% of the time, obviously 33% isn't too hard to come up with on the fly, right?

But we have to move along.  Now we have to figure out how many of those successful wounds are going to be saved in order to predict the lethality of our shot.  This is actually the tricky part as it's kind of counter-intuitive.  We know that a marine will make his save 67% of the time, just like the likely success of the shot (he gets a 3+ save with his armor).  However, we are not going to multiply his chance to save against our successful wound number.  We actually want to figure out how many saves are going to fail in order to determine our own success.  So, a marine is only going to be wounded and fail his save on a roll of 1 or 2: that's 2/6 or 33% of the time.  Multiply your successful wound results we just figured above by 33%, and you come up with roughly 11%.

Putting it all together properly, the math would look like this: (4/6) * (3/6) * (2/6) = 24/216 or 11%.  That means each shot has an 11% chance to cause an unsaved wound.

Applying What We've Learned to Multiple Dice
As you know, it is very seldom that you're going to be taking one shot or one swing at a target; you're going to be rolling multiple dice for each stage of this process.  The good thing is that the application of multiple dice is pretty simple.  If you're going to roll 10 dice initially, you simply multiply the process by 10.  If 20 dice, then multiply the process by 20.  Pretty simple, right?

So, let's carry through our example.  Now you've got a combat squad of marines (call it 5) rapid firing their bolters at another squad of marines (which we'll call 10 shots).  So, now we multiply the whole process by 10, it looks like this: 10 * ((4/6) * (3/6) * (2/6)) = 111% 

And so you say, "Wait, how the heck do I get 111%?!"  Ah yes, grasshopper, that does seem weird, until you remember that percentages can also be expressed as decimals.  So 111% is actually 1.11 -- which we assume is how many wounds you can expect to cause when you fire those 10 bolter rounds at the enemy space marine unit. 

Applying the Process to Your Decisions on the Battlefield
So, now that you know how to do this, what good is it to you?  Personally, I don't think taking a pure mathhammer approach to 40k is very useful, but it can be eye opening under the correct circumstances.  For instance, lets look at our combat squad above trying to remove a two man remnant squad of enemy marines from an objective in the last turn of the game.  Off the cuff, you might think to yourself that it should be a pretty easy squad to bring down if you rapid fire your bolters at them.  But the pure statistical view of the action is actually quite the contrary.  If you've only got the expected result of 1.11 wounds, that's only one "sure" wound, and only a one in ten chance (or so) of causing the second necessary wound.  With this in mind, that might change how you decide to deal with that last squad.

For instance, what if that remnant squad is also in charge range?  If I rapid fire my bolters, I know the odds are that I'll only cause 1.11 wounds.  But, what if I fire my bolt pistols, and then charge in close combat?  Well, we can do assaults the same way:  First, figure your bolter wounds at 5 shots instead of 10, which gives you an expected .56 wounds.  (Roughly half of what you would get than if you fired 10, which isn't really surprising since you're firing half as many shots, right?)

Now, calculate the charge.  On the charge (without a sergeant) you get 10 swings as the attacker.  They hit on a 4+, wound on a 4+ and are saved on a 3+, which overall is slightly worse than shooting 10 bolter rounds.  The math looks like this: 10 * ((3/6) * (3/6) * (2/6)) = .83.  But when you add in the .56 bolt pistol wounds to the charge result, you get a total of 1.39 expected wounds.  Not a lot better, but a little bit doesn't hurt! 

But this result can change depending on slightly different factors.  For instance, if your sergeant is in the squad and has a bolter, you get another swing, raising the whole total up to a whopping 1.48.

If the sergeant has a bolt pistol and chainsword, and doesn't have a bolter, you have to change both equations.  That means the expected rapid fire is only 9 shots, bringing that expected bolter carnage down to 1 expected wound, but raises the combined bolt pistol shots and assault up to 1.56... making the second option look even better. 

And if the sergeant has a power weapon?  Then those four hits don't get a save, resulting in two separate calculations. That's 8 * ((3/6) * (3/6) * (2/6)) for the regular marines and 4 * ((3/6) * (3/6)) for the sergeant (which isn't reduced by armor saves), giving us a grand total of 1.67 on the assault, added to .56 for the bolt pistol shots, and a grand total of 2.23 expected wounds, making the bolt pistol shots + charge the superior outcome under the circumstances by causing twice as many expected wounds, and pretty good odds for causing exactly the number of wounds you need to remove that squad from the table.

But what if there is an assault weapon in the squad?  If it's a flamer, for instance, you won't factor the "to hit" in your shots -- but you can still use the full shot capacity on the charge.  What if you're charging into cover?  How much should you reduce your results depending on the expected wounds that the enemy squad can cause to you?  What if the sergeant has a plasma pistol?  Do you factor in the results of 1 and the possibility that he might not make that armor save (and thus doesn't get to add in his power weapon hits)?  All of these factors will change your mathhammer equation, and you've got to take them all in if you want the most accurate results possible.  Or you can just skip it and go with the rough estimate... 

The Practicality of MathhammerOk, that's a LOT of math when you figure just how many shots, armor saves and assaults take place in a given game.  Frankly, if you did this for every dice roll of the game, it would slow things down to a horrible crawl.  It just doesn't make sense to do this for every roll.  But it could be useful when determining which of your units should charge a particular target, and could assist you when making last turn decisions like in the example above.  Beyond pivotal decisions, however, it just doesn't make a lot of sense to apply this process every turn as it has a tenancy to suck a little of the fun out of the game.

And let's also remember your sample size here.  If you flip a quarter twice, you have an equal chance for the results to be heads or tails every time.  But is it really so weird to get heads 10 times in a row?  Of course not!  The fact of the matter is, statistics are only going to show what is likely to happen over time... and after a LOT of dice rolling.  In a single game of 40k, 10 guys are only going to fire, at most, 5 to 7 times.  Just like it would not be unusual for you to flip a coin for the same results 10 times in a row, it is also just as likely that your dice can play hot or cold for an entire game.  Mathhammer will not tell you what will happen, just what is likely to happen given infinite dice rolls... which you don't have.  Mathhammer is an expectation, and can (and often is) wrong.  Sometimes you'll do better; sometimes you'll do worse.  But over the course of your gaming career, it should even out.  (Not that it's going to matter to you at the time when you don't make a single armor save in a given game, of course.)

Accordingly, it doesn't really pay off to put too much stock in Mathhammer for a given game, and it is going to be a colossal waste of time to calculate every possible factor that does into a given decision.  Accept that you will probably do better or worse than your calculation; accept that you only ever have a rough estimate of reality, and just keep your fingers crossed.  When I use mathhammer, I do it sparingly, and I do it only with the expectation of trying to make a decision that is going to work out best most of the time.  There simply are no certainties, and putting yourself in the most favorable position statistically is the best you can ever do.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 30)

Movie to See: Femme Fatale

Any time you start out a heist movie with one slinky model (Rebecca Romijn) seducing another slinky model (Rie Rasmussen) out of her diamond studded clothing so that you can sell those diamonds on the black market, and apparently have a little fun in the process, you can pretty much sign me up to watch that movie right there.  And I was sold pretty much from the word go.

Now, this wasn't a cerebral thriller, but it was still an interesting flick.  Although the story centers around double-crossing thief Laure (Romijn) and her overly complicated plot to steal millions of dollars under an assumed identity, it is also, surprisingly, a movie about life choices and redemption.  Of course, this isn't a tale about whether or not you choose to do what's right and wrong, but rather just how wrong you're willing to act, and the ultimate consequences when you go one step too far.

A sexy little thriller, Femme Fatale is a fun movie, but not a serious film.  I enjoyed it, but it certainly won't be for everyone.  If someone other than Romijn had played the title role, say Tori Spelling for instance, I think the movie would have lost a lot of its appeal... so to speak.  But Romijn was perfect for the role, and it served her well.  Recommended?  Sure, but the less you expect from the movie, the more satisfied you're going to be.

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Movie to Skip: Incendiary

This is one of those bizarre dramas that has a conflicting moral message.  On the one hand, this is a touching movie about the sorrow of those left behind when a senseless act of violence robs us of those we love.  There was some really touching language in the film, and parts of it was very well written and very human.  In particular there was a letter to Bin Laden at the end where the mother suggests that they get together to find other ways to vent their pain rather than "blowing boy sized holes in the world" that had some particularly moving phrases.  While the letter was a tad preachy, there were some good elements to it that wrapped up the positive message of the movie that I liked. 

On the other hand, while the main character's pain is palpable, it's kind of hard to care.  At the moment her son and husband are blown up in a terrorist attack, she's having sex with the next door neighbor.  The rest of the movie is then an examination of her ability to move on and enter into a new relationship (with that same neighbor, nonetheless) as well as a low key thriller as the neighbor investigates what the police knew about the bombing before it happened.  It's hard to empathize with this woman when she had already turned her back on the family she was now mourning.  I suppose that should have added an extra element of grief, but it also left me with a sense of, "why should I believe you really care, lady?"  Perhaps if the adulterous relation had not have been consummated I would have felt differently, but I suppose that would have made it too much like a LOT of other similar films. 

Ultimately this was kind of a blah film.  While there were some touching moments, it was just a little too difficult for me to buy into her grief, which created an emotional chasm that I was just not able to bridge.  Perhaps you'll feel differently, but I just couldn't quite get into it.  Not a bad movie, and it does have a great cast, but it just wasn't for me.

Buzzard's Top Fives

Top 5 Spoof Movies

(1) Airplane:Without a doubt, this is one of THE chief 'spoof' flicks of all time.  Although I have only suffered through two of the actual airport/airplane movies that inspired the spoof (and one of them only halfway through), I have seen Airplane two dozen times if I've seen it once.  The whole thing is absurd, but it was given FAR more attention to detail than most of the crap that is cranked out today.  I mean, let's face it, how much time and effort was put into the ENTIRE Scary Movie franchise after the first one met with lukewarm success?  Airplane is a FAR superior movie than any of the more recent offerings.  A great script with some classic gags.  Good fun for everyone.

(2) Young Frankenstein: Although it might be a tiny bit of a stretch to call this a spoof movie, I think this Mel Brooks masterpiece counts.  Perhaps this is actually more of an homage than a spoof, but it clearly plays off of the same stuff that put Lon Chaney and Boris Karloff on the Hollywood walk of fame.  While this is a very silly movie, the quality of the comedy in this film is far superior to some of Brooks' later offerings.  When compared to Spaceballs or Robin Hood: Men in Tights, there simply IS no comparison...  Young Frankenstein is the superior film by far.

(3) Monty Python and the Holy Grail: A spoof, or just a reason for the Monty Python gang to skip around with a pair of coconuts?  You be the judge, but I think it qualifies.  This is a classic silly movie that every geek knows by heart... or at least remembers really, really well.  If you haven't seen this hilarious movie, then your mother was probably a hamster... and your father stank of elderberries.  Although this film can feel a bit long at times (all Monty Python movies have some slow spots), the individual scenes are worth it.  How else could you possibly get ALL of those scenes linked into a single movie?  From killer bunny rabbits to the black knight to Zoot and the Castle Anthrax...

      "Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet 
      compared to yours.  We are but eight score young blonds 
      and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a 
      half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us!
      Oh, it is a lonely life -- bathing, dressing, undressing, 
      making exciting underwear...."

...this is just an all around hilarious movie that shouldn't be missed by anyone.

(4) Blazing Saddles: Another early Mel Brooks film, this one was an irreverent eye opener in its day.  Playing on themes of racism and covering toilet humor in ways that simply hadn't been tapped into before, this was debasement of the silver screen at its finest.  Funnily enough, when compared to the schlock of today, or even of some of Brooks' later works (again I'm looking at Spaceballs and Robin Hood,) this is a far superior film.  Although not quite as enjoyable as Young Frankenstein overall, there are probably more memorable one liners from this film that are more often quoted.  "A black sheriff?!"  Need I say more?  Great stuff, and a deflation of the wild west genre that was sorely needed.

(5) This is Spinal Tap: This was the film that launched the Christopher Guest mockumentary series of movies that include some pretty hilarious offerings, including: Best in Show, A Mighty Wind, Waiting for Guffman and For Your Consideration.  Of course, this first one was actually directed by Rob Reiner, but did include several cast members that were in nearly all of the later script-from-the-hip movies, including Ed Begley, Jr., Harry Shearer and Michael McKean.  Spinal Tap is a hilarious exploration of the stupidity of the hard rock movement of the '70s leading into the hairband '80s.  Everyone is stupid, and the script (which included a LOT of improvisation - as all of those great later movies do) was so funny because of its authenticity.  Brilliant work that spawned several equally (usually) brilliant works.  My personal favorite of the group is Best in Show, but they all have a lot to offer.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 29)

Movie to See: The A-Team

There is very little redeeming quality in this movie beyond the outstanding special effects and devil may care attitude of the characters in the script.  For most movies, I would say that is not enough to carry a story, but in this case, it really was.
 

The A-Team is not a serious movie, but it's fun.  You will see all kinds of stupid action in this film, I mean a LOT of stupid unbelievable action.  One of the most absurd that comes to mind is the scene (which you can see in the trailer) where Face(man) is shooting down airplanes, while in a tank... that is parachuting from another plane that just blew up.  It's silly, it's so incredibly improbable, but MAN is it a good time!  And that is the entire purpose of this film.  You can't take any of it too seriously, or else you're just going to hate it.  But if you watch this movie for its near constant slapstick humor, and allow yourself to buy into the silly fun, you will enjoy this film.  It's hard not to!  If you're an action buff at all, then you will like this movie.  If you liked the old television program as a kid, then this movie is just faithful enough to the original that you will enjoy this film.  And if you want to see an improbable cast perform all kind of outrageous improbable tasks, then you will also enjoy this film.  If you're a guy, you will enjoy this film.  I recommend it to all guys.

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Movie to Skip: The Gravedancers

I would consider this a Syfy channel level horror movie... and not just because that's where I happened to see it for the first time.  Don't get me wrong, there is still some fun stuff that happens, but overall it's kind of bland for a horror movie.  The story is very predictable, even with the twist at the end, and ultimately I didn't care about the characters.  Their foibles were so overwhelming that I couldn't help but feel if the baddies didn't kill them, I would have been happy to.  Generally I find more tension when I like the characters being chased/hunted/haunted. 

Although it may sound as if I really disliked the movie, I wouldn't go there either.  It wasn't terrible, it just wasn't great.  I have seen some decent horror movies of late, so when a mediocre flick like this comes along, it's a little disappointing.  If you can't find anything else to watch, this one's ok.  But don't knock yourself out there trying to find it.  Totally 'skip' worthy.

Buzzard's Top Fives

Top 5 Rock Anthems

I don't often speak or write about music, but as I was listening to the radio the other day, I kind of realized that the true Rock Anthem is kind of a dying (dead?) art form.  I'm not a concert goer, but doesn't everyone love the big sound, and easy repetitive celebratory lyrics of a good rock anthem?  I mean, what the hell else are you going to sing as a celebratory mob after your team wins the big game?!  (After the obligatory school song, of course...)  Here are my top five:

1) We Are the Champions (Queen): This one says it all -- we are the victors because we kept on fighting until the bitter end. To me, this is the epitome of 'celebratory' music, and an easy tune to get stuck in your head forever. Of course, Queen had a LOT of hits like that, but this one stands out as a true 'anthem.' 

2) Eye of the Tiger (Survivor):  Come on, who doesn't love this song?!  It's about that driving spirit deep within us; that animal source we have to tap into for those last few strides at the end of the race.  Am I the only one who, as a child, thought the name of the movie Rocky WAS Eye of the Tiger until he was ten? 

3) Back in Black (AC/DC): It's a tough call for me as to whether or not AC/DC's Back in Black or Highway to Hell is the superior anthem, but I give this one the nudge for the underlying 'revenge' or 'survivor' theme to it -- I mean come on, he's out of the noose, on the loose, and he's rounded up the frickin' posse!  That's a little more threatening than simply driving around without stop signs or speed limits. 

4) Livin' on a Prayer (Bon Jovi): Bon Jovi, along with Springsteen, Seager and Mellencamp (among others) are the consummate rock story tellers. While this isn't a list about story telling music, I think this one still satisfies the criteria, and allows me to keep my ravenous childhood self from slapping me upside the head for not including Bon Jovi in this list in some way, shape, or form.  While this song is a little more... desperate than some of the other choices, the message is still celebratory: we're going to make it because we're almost there and luck has already gotten us this far.  A good driving beat with a great fun chorus.

5) Born to Be Wild (Steppenwolf): This is that classic, feel good, 'don't mind me, I'm just going to raise a little hell over here for a while' tune.  Love it or hate it, you will NOT get this song out of your head once you've heard it.  Probably a little over played and over used in advertisements over the years, it has knocked some of the wind out of the sails of this one, but I think it still works. 

There are so many honorable mentions that I had to sort through to get to this top five that I couldn't possibly name them all, although I will give you a smattering of some that really wanted to beat the crap out of Steppenwolf for that final slot: Cum on Feel the Noize (Slade), We Will Rock You (Queen), We're Not Gonna Take It (Twisted Sister), Smoke on the Water (Deep Purple), Rock You Like a Hurricane (The Scorpions), Rock and Roll all Nite (KISS), Cherry Pie (Warrant), Best (Tina Turner), Once Bitten, Twice Shy (Great White), Enter Sandman (Metallica), Invincible (Pat Benatar), Dream On (Aerosmith), and so, so many more...

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 28)

Movie to See: Exam

This was a bizarre little thriller.  All of the action takes place in a non-descript room at a non-disclosed location in England where several applicants are taking an exam to be considered for an unknown position at an unknown company.  And if you don't get the hint from all of that, there will be a LOT of unknowns in this film, and uncovering all of these unknowns is the point of the movie.  It was a little awkward, because it's hard to understand a character's motivation if no one knows why s/he's putting her/himself through such ridiculous trials, but it kind of worked.  We eventually figure it all out (ok, they tell us), but without giving anything away, I will say that while I did enjoy the mysterious aspects of the movie, I'm not entirely sure I bought into the reasoning behind it all at the end.  If you don't buy the motivation for the action in the movie, then it kind of leaves you feeling a little dissatisfied at the end, which is almost how I felt here.  I bought into it enough that I didn't dislike the film, but I felt the ending motivation could have used some work.  Or maybe I'm just so shallow that I could not have found the purpose behind the "exam" worth all of that effort...  Either way, it's an interesting flick and possibly worth your time.

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Movie to Skip: The Bounty Hunter

 

Not a serious movie by any stretch of the imagination, but still fun...ish.  Essentially this is the same kind of drivel that former Friends stars have been seen in time and time again.  Fortunately it's still considerably better than anything I've seen Schwimmer do, but it's definitely a throw away comedy. That having been said, I don't have a problem with watching a throw away comedy every now and then.  This one had a couple of fun chuckles, and even a guffaw, if I remember correctly.  The Bounty Hunter will not challenge you intellectually, but it's cute (?).  And that's about all there is to say about it, to be honest.  If you're not into rom-coms (and I'm usually not), then you will probably want to skip it.  I gave this one an extra half star because I found scenes a LOT funnier when I pictured Gerard Butler suddenly jumping up on furniture and yelling out: "THIS IS SPARTA!!"