THQ Still Loves GW

With the upcoming release of THQ's Space Marine, there is a bit of chatter as to whether or not Space Marine is just another Gears of War clone.  As THIS REVIEW will tell you, that claim is utter nonsense!  Below are a couple of screen shots that accompany the review:

Ok, so this wasn't much of a post, but I'm getting jazzed for the release of this game!  September just can't come soon enough...

DIY: 40k Conversions - Conversion Beamer

One really cool option that is seldom played on the 40k table by vanilla marine armies is the Master of the Forge.  Most people don't like him because: (a) he doesn't have an invulnerable save, and (b) he is essentially a two-wound version of the techmarine, which can be purchased for much less, and without taking up an HQ slot.  But there is one really awesome piece of equipment that is available to the Master that can not be purchased anywhere else... in the entire game: the conversion beamer. A conversion beamer is an odd little device that has a variable strength and ap value based upon the distance to your target... but the further away from your target you get, the better it works.  And at a 72" max range, you're most effective when almost nothing else in the game can touch you.  The odd thing about this little device?  Nobody knows what it looks like!  No model has been made for it since at least the Rogue Trader days, and that's the last time a picture was produced too.  While this may cause some people frustration, I think it's a great opportunity for some conversion work.

(The RT conversion beamer in all its black and white glory.)

Interestingly, most likely because most current 40k players either didn't play the game back in RT, or much more disturbingly, simply weren't alive yet, there have been many attempts at capturing what the conversion beamer should look like:

From Stillfrosty at LINK:

Note in this version the conversion beamer uses a 'dish' to beam the deadly signal, but is essentially the size of a bolter. 

From Digitaldaggers on the Bolter and Chainsword forums LINK: 

This thing looks like it's mostly centered around a plasma cannon, but that thing is massive!  Talk about the extreme opposite from the bolter version.

From Gurth on the Botler and Chainsword forums LINK:

Take a good look at the guy in the middle.  This is an amazing scratch version of the conversion beamer that has been given to some rogue trader era space marines... back when even a humble foot soldier could carry them into battle.  I don't know if Gurth actually made this model or if he just found it on the web somewhere, but I do seem to recall that someone, somewhere, scratch built and then cast that thing for his own personal use...

From WeeMan LINK:

This one is also based on some RT era parts, but relies on the old plasma cannon for its design.  Note that in this model you will see a fairly popular trend to put the master on a bike.  It makes sense that if you're going to want to fire that weapon at maximum range, then you need to be able to move fast enough to fire it that way!  By putting him on a bike you don't have to tie up a transport, and that extra toughness boost doesn't hurt either... even though S8 weapons will still make him go splat.

From Stillfrosty LINK:

I think this is a model that Stillfrosty found on the web when trying to figure out how he was going to do his own version, but I could be mistaken.  Either way, note that this is another massive version of the beamer, and has even been loaded onto a sidecar like WeeMen's version.  It's interesting to see that some people have decided a man portable relic should have the profile of a small tank...

From Turbo_MMX on the dakkadakka forums LINK:

This is, by far, my favorite version of the beamer, and I used it as the basis for my own conversion.  Note that as a plasma gun, it's still about the size of a bolter, but with the addition of the dish on front and the clever targeting module from the Ravenwing sprue, this thing becomes something just a little beefier than your typical hand weapon.  Also like Turbo_MMX, I decided to put mine on a bike as well, to take full advantage of the need for mobility and the toughness boost, without having to use the larger sidecar footprint. 
 
This conversion is deceptively simple, and you can pull it off without any step-by-step instructions, although there should be some within that dakka page I've cited above.
 
Although I do not have a picture of mine up here yet, I'll do so once I've thrown some paint on it.  I prefer not to show my models in their ugly naked stages, but I think you'll find some fairly common similarities between my model and the one above.  When I get around to painting my own Master of the Forge, I'll be sure to post him up here as an update... or as a page by himself with a link back to this page.
 
But what should we learn from all of these pictures?  Sometimes not having everything spelled out by GW creates great opportunities for real creativity to flow in the creation of your conversions.  At least, that's my take on it...

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 56)

Movie to See #1: Aaah! Zombies!

This movie is, in a word: cute.  The best thing about this movie is the unique way it splits the perspective of our zombie main characters and the rest of the world: old horror movie/Night of the Living Dead style world, in black and white, to show what the world is seeing; and then full color for what our intrepid crew is seeing.  It definitely gives it that 'the world is in the eye of the beholder' kind of feel to it; our reality may be different from everyone else's at times, but we won't be able to tell the difference.
 
The story itself is actually kind of original.  It is, literally, a love story told from the point of view of zombies about zombies that fall in love.  It's a funny idea, even though I truthfully didn't quite see how it was going to work when I sat down to watch it.  It works!  As with most Indie comedies, this one is usually amusing, although some of the gags are a bit of a stretch, and nothing makes you split your sides due to comic genius.
This is a unique little film, and for that, I encourage you to see it.  I like to see creativity in movies, and this one is a good example of what creative people can do without studio interference.  Good work, and worth a watch.

Movie to See #2: Revolver

In a lot of ways, this is Reservoir Dogs meets Ocean's Eleven -- that is, we get a really twisted crime story where you have to unravel what is going on through subtle clues in the dialogue.  Now, this isn't exactly Tarantino level dialogue, but at least it is laced with more than the occasional zingers that Richie throws into his scripts.  That having been said, I think the movie probably delves too much into psyche of our hero.  Sometimes we don't know if what is happening is in his head or if it is actually happening.  Now typically this happens during our hero's 'manic' moments of high stress, but it can be a little distracting.  This isn't a story about someone going insane or being drugged, or being fooled by some other-worldly entity.  Thus, the madness element doesn't really fit the plot as a legitimate device.
 
But even taking that shortcoming into consideration, this movie begs us to question whether anyone on the screen is as smart as they think they are and just who, exactly (if not everyone) is being played.  I always find that kind of mystery kind of fun, as long as it is carried out well.  This movie does that.

---

Movie to Skip #1: Ripper: Letter From Hell

The plot of this movie is... simple?  A murderer, possessed by the spirit of Jack the Ripper - or perhaps actually Jack (we never really know for sure), terrorizes a group of students studying serial murderers... as all good psychology classes should, of course.  Putting aside the mediocre acting and pathetic budget (both of which leave an indelible mark on the film), there is one major flaw in this movie: it relies entirely on the classic deus ex machina resolution.  That is, we don't know how this movie will resolve, until it happens, because we don't have all the pieces in place to solve the mystery until the finale actually happens.  We literally only see the key... special abilities (I think I can say that) of one of the characters in the story in the very last scene of the movie.  These abilities were not present (or even hinted at) the entire way through, so there is just no way we could have known that THAT is how this movie would resolve - despite the fact that one of the people that gets knocked off in the last 15 minutes apparently figured it out (although there is no way that could have happened). While that plot device can sometimes work in specially crafted circumstances, there is NO WAY you can accuse the writers of this movie as trying to be that creative.  This movie was resolved at the last second due entirely to poor storytelling.  It's like they started filming, realized they were about an hour and a half in, that they only had about 6 minutes of actual film left, and said, "Oh crap.  Here, now you can do THIS, and that outta wrap things up pretty nicely."  Either that, or they were so honked off that everyone could guess their original twenty attempts at an ending within the first 20 minutes of the movie that they felt they had to come up with a "trick" to keep people guessing.  However the genius creative team came up with it, it still sucked.  Not a great movie.

Movie to Skip #2: Ripper 2: Letter From Within

The one thing you can say about this movie is that it is better than the last one -- but that's probably the best thing you can say about it.  Funnily enough, Inception has nothing on this stinker for being difficult to determine which reality your living in.  This movie supposedly occurs (we think) at an Eastern European facility where experimental dream therapy is treating the criminally insane (the criminal from the first movie... who may or may not be Jack the Ripper).  But thinking back to Inception, even if you buy into the theory that Inception could happen, the technology in the DiCaprio film is much better explained (spoiler: it isn't explained at all in Inception) and is much more believable.  Ripper's technology, on the other hand is just too far-fetched and unexplained to have any hint of believability.  Do I think the idea of networking brains together is cool?  Sure, but I'm going to need see a little more than fishing line and a roll of duct tape in the dusty basement of an old castle to believe you're actually doing it... and it would be nice if the patients were actually connected to one another or to a common machine, or something. This bizarre, apparently wireless, technology that works by syringe and wishful thinking makes the whole thing look kind of lame and the results fairly predictable... if the plot, acting and only slightly larger budget than the first one didn't put all of the other nails in the coffin before you even sat down to think about how everything was supposed to be occurring.  And oh yeah, just when you thought the dorks who wrote this movie gave up on lame trick endings, you're going to get one in this one too.  They do leave deus ex machina in the briefcase, but the ending DOES have the effect of nullifying practically everything you just sat through, which frankly makes the entire movie feel like a waste of time.  And that's probably the safest conclusion to gather from the entire Ripper franchise (please, God, leave it off at a two film franchise).

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 55)

Movie to See #1: Werewolf Hunter: The Legend of Romasanta

Admittedly, I originally picked this one out in order to see more films with Elsa Pataky after seeing her in Give 'em Hell Malone ‹insert wolf howl here›, and the movie turned out to be a fairly interesting flick. But is this really based on a true story ?! Weird! 

 

This film has a really crazy plot line that has an odd disconnected feel to it (mostly due to the nature of the story telling involved) but I suppose "reality" can be that way sometimes. Set in a time where a "modern" police force is trying to solve a mystery amongst the superstitious populace, there is a palpable frustration as the characters are really struggling with what the evidence is telling them. I appreciated that tension, which is generally relegated to lip service in most movies (or just abandoned entirely early on like in Tim Burton's fantastic Sleepy Hollow). I think the movie would have been better overall if the focus has shifted slighly more in that direction rather than the 'horror' element of the werewolf attacks, but I suppose that shouldn't have surprised me since this is classified as a horror movie. 

 

All things considered, this is an interesting twist to the traditional werewolf story, and is made extra creepy for the 'reality' element (however changed for entertainment purposes) mixed into it. I'm not quite sure what to make of the 'legend' aspect of this film, but I do appreciate movies that are based on old (old?) legends. I'll go ahead and recommend this one simply because of the creepy atmosphere that is achieved... and seeing Pataky trying to hunt down the big baddie in the film is also kind of fun too.

Movie to See #2: Operation: Endgame

I'm kind of on the fence for this one because it's so ridiculous. It is intentionally claustrophobic, mostly taking place in an underground bunker, but there is just no way this could have occurred in the physical space that it did. I guess we can write it off as a budget issue, and I'm sure anyone could bring up the Die Hard (or worse, the Passenger 57 and Executive Decision) scenarios, but who says I believed that one either? Yes, it's a stupid comedy, but if you stick three people in a phone booth, you're going to know if someone farts - it's not going to go unnoticed. Same kind of stupidity going on here... except somehow we don't know that gas is being passed. Kind of insulting... and stinky. 

 

That aside, it did have some pretty great lines: "You can put on make-up, but you can't hide crazy." Totally describes several of my own former relationships... Rob Courdrey is essentially himself, which is good, because he's over-the-top funny. Too bad he's a terrible actor. Odette Yowza... er, Yustman is both scary and sexy in this film, and a potential 'it girl' if she can get out of horror pics (The Unborn) and lame films like this one to make it into a bigger movie. 

 

It's a very tongue-in-cheek spy movie, so if you can't stand those, you won't like this one. But, if you find the humor in spoof films like Airplane (although this one isn't nearly as good), then you might get a good chuckle or two out of this one too. I'll recommend it, but just barely...

Movie to See #3: The Lost Tribe

I am only bumping this movie out of the two star range because of its production value, which was actually a lot better than most horror movies you'll see. But that having been said, this is really a two star movie due almost entirely to its complete lack of originality. This movie is essentially Predator, no joke. While the dialogue is different, and the apparent premise is not the same, the action of the movie is otherwise a near shot-to-shot remake of the much better classic horror film (even down to mud bath combat!). Instead of aliens you get villains that are Lord of the Rings Urak' Hai costumes with monkey hair glued on. And that's pretty much where the differences end.

 

One funny note in this film is that the deadly monkey people have amusing super-human abilities that really go along quite well with the outlandish stupidity of the heroes. The story, which is driven by human stupdity, is totally unbelievable, and these morons do absolutely everything they shouldn't do along the way. Surprisingly, nay - shockingly - that stupidity actually makes this movie kind of fun to watch. I can't explain it, but it does. Of course, that also means the scare factor in this movie is near zero... which isn't what you typically want to see in a horror film. 

 

I'm going to have to go ahead and recommend this film, but it's really most enjoyable for fans of Predator that don't mind flattering imitation, and for people that want to see a horror movie that lacks any real scares.

---

Movie to Skip #1: Beneath the Dark

This is supposedly a redemption story, of sorts... Unfortunately it has a horribly predictable twist at the end. It is just so obvious what is going on that the director/writer's choice to twist the movie's time line only created unnecessary confusion and made the side reel story feel too disconnected. It takes so long for the side reel to tie into the main story that I had pretty much given up on it making any real sense long before the point was made. Further, because it was such a predictable ending, I kept getting more and more impatient for the connection between the stories to be made so that the morons in the audience could have their "aha" moment, and we could plod along to the end of the movie. Yeah, it's never a good sign when all you want is for the story to wrap up so you can get to the end... 

 

I'm not a huge fan of thrillers relying on keeping the audience confused in order to build tension. It can work (e.g. Memento), but if you're going to go there, then you can't telegraph the end of the movie within the first couple of minutes in the film. It just becomes distracting and kind of unpleasant to sit through. Further, if you want to cause confusion, then there has to be some kind of palpable tension created by the confusing elements... not just a boring unconnected side reel story that builds SO slowly to the tension filled "act" that ties the two stories together that the side reel feels pointless up until the "aha" moment. 

 

While I could see some promise (kind of) in the story, it was very poorly executed. The pace was terrible, and the writing was even worse. This could have been an interesting movie, but it truly failed to deliver. Skip this one and see Memento instead.

Movie to Skip #2: Canadian Bacon

This is one of those sad little comedies that really isn't very funny. I realize that there is an argument that humor is an intellectual activity, and that a lot of things we don't find funny is more about our own lack of familiarity with the subject matter than it is with the quality of the joke. But in this case, I think it's more an issue of poor jokes. There are a LOT of late '80s names in this film, but relatively few laughs under the circumstances. Yes, it has an intentionally stupid plot, but that doesn't always doom a film. Die Hard had a stupid plot, but it was good fun to watch. This one had a dumb plot, but it just doesn't sell well. The jokes are too canned, and the delivery kind of poor given the obvious talent that graced the screen.

 

I just can't bring myself to like this one. It's got its funny moments, and yeah, it's fun to see the role reversals (Canadians playing Americans and vice versa), but ultimately it's just lame. Maybe it just hasn't aged well, I don't know. But I just didn't buy into it.

Movie to Skip #3: The Oxford Murders

One thing really, really bothers me about this movie: why does this young genius keep getting distracted by the cantankerous old man rather than hanging out with the busty co-ed? I mean, sure, John Hurt is cool, but when you're a 20-something college guy, and Leonor Watling is trying to jump your bones every time you walk into a room, there isn't a warm blooded straight man in the world that is going to brush her off so you can go chat about patterns with a grumpy old college professor. It's just NOT gonna happen.

 

But that is not the worst sin this movie makes. Overall, this movie can be distilled down to one word: Contrived - and not in a good way. The Divinci Code was contrived and full of puzzles, but these just don't feel like real puzzles. What is worse, the whole thing boils down to an all too convenient solution that reeks of deus ex machina. That's not a good way for a mystery/puzzle movie to wrap itself up. Frankly, it is a serious insulting disservice to the audience that agreed to try and solve the mystery with you. For that reason, despite the fantastic actors in this film, I can't recommend it... unless you enjoy being tricked and treated like a moron by the writer/director.