One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 71)

Movie to See: Ondine

How this is a "science fiction" piece is beyond me; definitely a poor description by Netflix.  That having been said, this is a very British drama: at times it is very moving and is  occasionally light-hearted, but there is always the chance for heartbreak at every turn.  While the ending is kind of expected (see the note about "heartbreak"), there is no way you can guess how you'll get there, or the details; you know something's up as you watch this one, but it's hard to know just what it is.  I usually don't like that, but it worked here.  It gives the movie a very 'real' or 'raw' edge to it... in spite of the fantastical elements that last throughout.  This movie has a good heart at its core, and that is, unfortunately, lacking in a lot of modern movies.

 

Movie to Skip: Ninja

Instead of a real movie, this is actually just a sorry excuse for a vehicle to introduce Scott Adkins as an action star.  The plot is strikingly similar to Kung-fu Panda (I wish I were joking) but it's actually not as well developed - seriously.  This is your typical 80's style ninja movie - all action, little acting, even less quality writing.  As this movie is almost entirely action, however, that is probably its only saving grace, sadly.  You see, while Adkins not a great actor (he's pretty terrible), the man is in stunning physical condition, and he does a pretty good job kicking butt throughout the film.  Unfortunately, other than one action scene after another... the movie gets kind of tedious, and not in a good way. 

 

 

Sorry for the Delay!

Sometimes real life has a way of defeating all the best of intentions.  I'm sure the next few weeks will be extremely "review" heavy, but I will return to my regular posting schedule starting this Friday!  So... Stay Tuned...

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 70)

Movie to See: The Tomb

This movie is not as bad as I though it would be given that it is a direct to DVD horror movie (reads: didn't have my hopes up and actually found myself enjoying the film).  It appears surprisingly well funded, but surely it wasn't -- we'll just call it well-budgeted for the special effects given to us.  As a Fangoria flick, I suppose I should have expected at least marginal financial backing, which it appears to have had.  In other words, you're not going to see the strings on the rubber bats... so to speak.

 

While this movie is supposedly based on the Edgar Allen Poe story, Ligea,  I think the link is so distant that the producer should probably have left the reference as an Easter egg rather than trying to sell the movie as a modern adaptation.  With regards to the cast, Sofya Skya is suitably menacing and somehow manages to make Kaitlin Doubleday appear homely by comparison... which is tough to do.  Doubleday, to her own credit, does a very convincing job with the last half hour of the film - which will make sense when you see it.  Wes Bentley and Eric Roberts also do a great job, but let's face it, you watch horror movies for the scream queens, not the heroic boyfriends with a stiff upper lip...

 

Overall, a delightful little horror movie if you don't expect too much from it.

Movie to Skip: Starship Troopers 3: Marauder

Ok, so I wasn't expecting much from a series that sent two of three movies directly to DVD... and there is a strong argument that the first should have gone there too.  That's NOT to say that I didn't enjoy the first one, but was it really worthy of the big screen?  I'm not entirely convinced it should have been.  Anyway, this is not a great movie.  It's mindless, has a lot of nonsensical gratuitous nudity (but not who you want to see :cough: Jolene Blalock :cough:).  This is such a formulaic plot that there is no need to guess what is going to happen next -- you've seen this plotline a hundred times, and generally done better than this.
 
This is kind of a crappy movie, and I really don't recommend it when there are such better options out there -- even Casper Van Dien films!  But... it's still ok for guilty pleasure purposes if you've unsuccessfully tried to stalk Jolene Blalock, or there is just absolutely nothing else that catches your eye.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 69)

Movie to See: 2010

I won't spend a lot of time on this movie because, frankly, I've spent more than enough time than I really want to with this pair of films. (This is the sequel to 2001)  While I felt this one was better than the original, this one still moves at the pace of space, for the most part.  It is just sooo, slow, but at least something appeared to be happening in this movie, and something really appeared to be at stake.  If it wasn't for the immediacy of the threat, then this one would have been a snoozer like the first.  Roy Scheider does a good job keeping this movie interesting -- his honest approach to the conflicts his character faces along the way is refreshing.  This is a sci-fi classic, which means you should probably watch it... just don't wait until too late at night to get started or you'll never make it to the end...

Movie to Skip: Sacrifice

Unfortunately, this is another dog from Cuba Gooding, Jr.  BUT at least Gooding's acting was pretty decent -- it usually is.  Unfortunately, as is often the case with his recent movies, it's the story that fails him.  This one in particular was too disjointed.  There was too much hopping from past to present without any real indication that we were making a movement, which was a tad disorienting.  And if the poor use of flashbacks wasn't bad enough, the actual plot line in this movie was just really stupid -- the priest element, in particular, was just so bad that it was funny... unintentionally.  Another B movie for our academy award winner - someone needs to get this guy a decent movie!

 

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 68)

Movie to See: Deathwatch

I consider this a borderline movie; it isn't great, but the atmosphere is actually pretty good. Actually the atmosphere is great. You really get a sense of the gritty, dirty nature of trench warfare... even when the combatants find themselves all alone. There is a good spooky feel to the film, and there really is no clue as to what is really going on until a good chunk of the movie has already happened. While that is usually a frustrating element, I think it really works with the "fog of war" theme that this one portrays. For the look of the film, the real tension that develops, and some decent acting in this British war/horror movie, I could justify pushing this one into the "watch" column.

All that having been said, the story element is where this film suffers. While the cinematography and general feel of the film are perfect, by the time you get to the end, you kind of wonder why anyone bothered: why the characters did what they did... and why someone bothered to fund, produce, direct and act in it once they got to the last few pages of the screenplay. I'm not saying it's terrible, but some of the choices are questionable. The redemptive element of the story in particular is downright laughable, but I guess it works for a high end B-movie. If you like war/horror crossover movies, then you'll probably be ok with this one. Just, don't get your hopes up or you'll walk away feeling a bit disappointed.

Movie to Skip: The Sorcerer's Apprentice

I was a little confused by this movie. I understand that Disney has been trying to cash in on some of their old intellectual property by making movies about cartoons and theme park rides that have been around since Walt was still kickin', but this story was so distant from the Fantasia skit that it's kind of insulting to try to make us think that this movie is somehow tied into that old story. That reason alone should make most of us turn our backs on it and walk away. It's a lame practice, and Disney should know better.

That having been said, the eye candy is there, but the story isn't. Further there jus isn't enough 'hot guy' or 'hot girl' for the teeny-bopper crowd to watch this film in mindless droves either. And frankly, there just isn't enough at stake in this film for young adults or adults to get into it. And I won't even get into the "meh" performance of Nicholas Cage who is fairly handily out-acted by just about everyone else in this silly movie.

I've given this a fairly gnarly review, but it isn't so terrible that it deserves less than three stars, I guess. It just doesn't have much to offer that you can't get somewhere else. But for a family friendly film, I guess it isn't too bad. I just wouldn't recommend it when there are FAR better options for watching films with the family. I think if this had been an animated movie, staring Mickey Mouse, and about a young apprentice working for a powerful wizard... this one would have been a much better film. As it is, not great.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 67)

Movie to See: Smokin' Aces 2: Assassins' Ball

This is a prequal to the 2006 Smokin' Aces.  I've never actually seen the first one, but now I feel like I really should.  This was a fun (if bloody) little romp with some great characters that were well developed under the circumstances - given the number of characters involved, and all the time dedicated to slow motion gunfire in tight spaces, it's kind of surprising that we got to know anyone.  Very much in the same vein as other bloody gangster films and kind of reminds me of what Give em' Hell Malone would have looked like if Guy Ritchie had filmed it.  Ok, that may be going a bit far, as the humor was not quite as biting as the typical Ritchie film, but this one was still fun.  The ending was probably telegraphed a tad too early, which was a little disappointing, but still a fun film.  It probably doesn't hurt that I'm a Vinnie Jones fan.

 
Movie to Skip: Milf

 

This is a "late night comedy?"  Well, I guess so, but only because there were too many (old) boobs for prime time.  And there are a lot of them.  In fact, unless you're looking for a 'boomer boobs' film, I'm not sure there is any reason to watch this one.  The plot is very 80's (reads: no plot - just lame jokes), and the "quality" of the acting is pretty low.  In fact, even the "veteran" cougars in this film come off as fairly inexperienced and ham fisted.  It was kind of like those lame Cinemax films that come on late at night; a string of actresses just out of film school (well, maybe a correspondence course in acting) that are willing to show some skin in order to star in a "film."  You know, that desperation to "make" oneself without putting in the time to make a name for oneself.  This feels similar... which feels kind of sad, in a way.  That's not a comfortable feeling for a "comedy"

 

As far as the "comedy" goes, I don't know that this movie qualifies for that genre as that generally requires a little humor.  This one is silly, but not funny.