One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 56)

Movie to See #1: Aaah! Zombies!

This movie is, in a word: cute.  The best thing about this movie is the unique way it splits the perspective of our zombie main characters and the rest of the world: old horror movie/Night of the Living Dead style world, in black and white, to show what the world is seeing; and then full color for what our intrepid crew is seeing.  It definitely gives it that 'the world is in the eye of the beholder' kind of feel to it; our reality may be different from everyone else's at times, but we won't be able to tell the difference.
 
The story itself is actually kind of original.  It is, literally, a love story told from the point of view of zombies about zombies that fall in love.  It's a funny idea, even though I truthfully didn't quite see how it was going to work when I sat down to watch it.  It works!  As with most Indie comedies, this one is usually amusing, although some of the gags are a bit of a stretch, and nothing makes you split your sides due to comic genius.
This is a unique little film, and for that, I encourage you to see it.  I like to see creativity in movies, and this one is a good example of what creative people can do without studio interference.  Good work, and worth a watch.

Movie to See #2: Revolver

In a lot of ways, this is Reservoir Dogs meets Ocean's Eleven -- that is, we get a really twisted crime story where you have to unravel what is going on through subtle clues in the dialogue.  Now, this isn't exactly Tarantino level dialogue, but at least it is laced with more than the occasional zingers that Richie throws into his scripts.  That having been said, I think the movie probably delves too much into psyche of our hero.  Sometimes we don't know if what is happening is in his head or if it is actually happening.  Now typically this happens during our hero's 'manic' moments of high stress, but it can be a little distracting.  This isn't a story about someone going insane or being drugged, or being fooled by some other-worldly entity.  Thus, the madness element doesn't really fit the plot as a legitimate device.
 
But even taking that shortcoming into consideration, this movie begs us to question whether anyone on the screen is as smart as they think they are and just who, exactly (if not everyone) is being played.  I always find that kind of mystery kind of fun, as long as it is carried out well.  This movie does that.

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Movie to Skip #1: Ripper: Letter From Hell

The plot of this movie is... simple?  A murderer, possessed by the spirit of Jack the Ripper - or perhaps actually Jack (we never really know for sure), terrorizes a group of students studying serial murderers... as all good psychology classes should, of course.  Putting aside the mediocre acting and pathetic budget (both of which leave an indelible mark on the film), there is one major flaw in this movie: it relies entirely on the classic deus ex machina resolution.  That is, we don't know how this movie will resolve, until it happens, because we don't have all the pieces in place to solve the mystery until the finale actually happens.  We literally only see the key... special abilities (I think I can say that) of one of the characters in the story in the very last scene of the movie.  These abilities were not present (or even hinted at) the entire way through, so there is just no way we could have known that THAT is how this movie would resolve - despite the fact that one of the people that gets knocked off in the last 15 minutes apparently figured it out (although there is no way that could have happened). While that plot device can sometimes work in specially crafted circumstances, there is NO WAY you can accuse the writers of this movie as trying to be that creative.  This movie was resolved at the last second due entirely to poor storytelling.  It's like they started filming, realized they were about an hour and a half in, that they only had about 6 minutes of actual film left, and said, "Oh crap.  Here, now you can do THIS, and that outta wrap things up pretty nicely."  Either that, or they were so honked off that everyone could guess their original twenty attempts at an ending within the first 20 minutes of the movie that they felt they had to come up with a "trick" to keep people guessing.  However the genius creative team came up with it, it still sucked.  Not a great movie.

Movie to Skip #2: Ripper 2: Letter From Within

The one thing you can say about this movie is that it is better than the last one -- but that's probably the best thing you can say about it.  Funnily enough, Inception has nothing on this stinker for being difficult to determine which reality your living in.  This movie supposedly occurs (we think) at an Eastern European facility where experimental dream therapy is treating the criminally insane (the criminal from the first movie... who may or may not be Jack the Ripper).  But thinking back to Inception, even if you buy into the theory that Inception could happen, the technology in the DiCaprio film is much better explained (spoiler: it isn't explained at all in Inception) and is much more believable.  Ripper's technology, on the other hand is just too far-fetched and unexplained to have any hint of believability.  Do I think the idea of networking brains together is cool?  Sure, but I'm going to need see a little more than fishing line and a roll of duct tape in the dusty basement of an old castle to believe you're actually doing it... and it would be nice if the patients were actually connected to one another or to a common machine, or something. This bizarre, apparently wireless, technology that works by syringe and wishful thinking makes the whole thing look kind of lame and the results fairly predictable... if the plot, acting and only slightly larger budget than the first one didn't put all of the other nails in the coffin before you even sat down to think about how everything was supposed to be occurring.  And oh yeah, just when you thought the dorks who wrote this movie gave up on lame trick endings, you're going to get one in this one too.  They do leave deus ex machina in the briefcase, but the ending DOES have the effect of nullifying practically everything you just sat through, which frankly makes the entire movie feel like a waste of time.  And that's probably the safest conclusion to gather from the entire Ripper franchise (please, God, leave it off at a two film franchise).

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 55)

Movie to See #1: Werewolf Hunter: The Legend of Romasanta

Admittedly, I originally picked this one out in order to see more films with Elsa Pataky after seeing her in Give 'em Hell Malone ‹insert wolf howl here›, and the movie turned out to be a fairly interesting flick. But is this really based on a true story ?! Weird! 

 

This film has a really crazy plot line that has an odd disconnected feel to it (mostly due to the nature of the story telling involved) but I suppose "reality" can be that way sometimes. Set in a time where a "modern" police force is trying to solve a mystery amongst the superstitious populace, there is a palpable frustration as the characters are really struggling with what the evidence is telling them. I appreciated that tension, which is generally relegated to lip service in most movies (or just abandoned entirely early on like in Tim Burton's fantastic Sleepy Hollow). I think the movie would have been better overall if the focus has shifted slighly more in that direction rather than the 'horror' element of the werewolf attacks, but I suppose that shouldn't have surprised me since this is classified as a horror movie. 

 

All things considered, this is an interesting twist to the traditional werewolf story, and is made extra creepy for the 'reality' element (however changed for entertainment purposes) mixed into it. I'm not quite sure what to make of the 'legend' aspect of this film, but I do appreciate movies that are based on old (old?) legends. I'll go ahead and recommend this one simply because of the creepy atmosphere that is achieved... and seeing Pataky trying to hunt down the big baddie in the film is also kind of fun too.

Movie to See #2: Operation: Endgame

I'm kind of on the fence for this one because it's so ridiculous. It is intentionally claustrophobic, mostly taking place in an underground bunker, but there is just no way this could have occurred in the physical space that it did. I guess we can write it off as a budget issue, and I'm sure anyone could bring up the Die Hard (or worse, the Passenger 57 and Executive Decision) scenarios, but who says I believed that one either? Yes, it's a stupid comedy, but if you stick three people in a phone booth, you're going to know if someone farts - it's not going to go unnoticed. Same kind of stupidity going on here... except somehow we don't know that gas is being passed. Kind of insulting... and stinky. 

 

That aside, it did have some pretty great lines: "You can put on make-up, but you can't hide crazy." Totally describes several of my own former relationships... Rob Courdrey is essentially himself, which is good, because he's over-the-top funny. Too bad he's a terrible actor. Odette Yowza... er, Yustman is both scary and sexy in this film, and a potential 'it girl' if she can get out of horror pics (The Unborn) and lame films like this one to make it into a bigger movie. 

 

It's a very tongue-in-cheek spy movie, so if you can't stand those, you won't like this one. But, if you find the humor in spoof films like Airplane (although this one isn't nearly as good), then you might get a good chuckle or two out of this one too. I'll recommend it, but just barely...

Movie to See #3: The Lost Tribe

I am only bumping this movie out of the two star range because of its production value, which was actually a lot better than most horror movies you'll see. But that having been said, this is really a two star movie due almost entirely to its complete lack of originality. This movie is essentially Predator, no joke. While the dialogue is different, and the apparent premise is not the same, the action of the movie is otherwise a near shot-to-shot remake of the much better classic horror film (even down to mud bath combat!). Instead of aliens you get villains that are Lord of the Rings Urak' Hai costumes with monkey hair glued on. And that's pretty much where the differences end.

 

One funny note in this film is that the deadly monkey people have amusing super-human abilities that really go along quite well with the outlandish stupidity of the heroes. The story, which is driven by human stupdity, is totally unbelievable, and these morons do absolutely everything they shouldn't do along the way. Surprisingly, nay - shockingly - that stupidity actually makes this movie kind of fun to watch. I can't explain it, but it does. Of course, that also means the scare factor in this movie is near zero... which isn't what you typically want to see in a horror film. 

 

I'm going to have to go ahead and recommend this film, but it's really most enjoyable for fans of Predator that don't mind flattering imitation, and for people that want to see a horror movie that lacks any real scares.

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Movie to Skip #1: Beneath the Dark

This is supposedly a redemption story, of sorts... Unfortunately it has a horribly predictable twist at the end. It is just so obvious what is going on that the director/writer's choice to twist the movie's time line only created unnecessary confusion and made the side reel story feel too disconnected. It takes so long for the side reel to tie into the main story that I had pretty much given up on it making any real sense long before the point was made. Further, because it was such a predictable ending, I kept getting more and more impatient for the connection between the stories to be made so that the morons in the audience could have their "aha" moment, and we could plod along to the end of the movie. Yeah, it's never a good sign when all you want is for the story to wrap up so you can get to the end... 

 

I'm not a huge fan of thrillers relying on keeping the audience confused in order to build tension. It can work (e.g. Memento), but if you're going to go there, then you can't telegraph the end of the movie within the first couple of minutes in the film. It just becomes distracting and kind of unpleasant to sit through. Further, if you want to cause confusion, then there has to be some kind of palpable tension created by the confusing elements... not just a boring unconnected side reel story that builds SO slowly to the tension filled "act" that ties the two stories together that the side reel feels pointless up until the "aha" moment. 

 

While I could see some promise (kind of) in the story, it was very poorly executed. The pace was terrible, and the writing was even worse. This could have been an interesting movie, but it truly failed to deliver. Skip this one and see Memento instead.

Movie to Skip #2: Canadian Bacon

This is one of those sad little comedies that really isn't very funny. I realize that there is an argument that humor is an intellectual activity, and that a lot of things we don't find funny is more about our own lack of familiarity with the subject matter than it is with the quality of the joke. But in this case, I think it's more an issue of poor jokes. There are a LOT of late '80s names in this film, but relatively few laughs under the circumstances. Yes, it has an intentionally stupid plot, but that doesn't always doom a film. Die Hard had a stupid plot, but it was good fun to watch. This one had a dumb plot, but it just doesn't sell well. The jokes are too canned, and the delivery kind of poor given the obvious talent that graced the screen.

 

I just can't bring myself to like this one. It's got its funny moments, and yeah, it's fun to see the role reversals (Canadians playing Americans and vice versa), but ultimately it's just lame. Maybe it just hasn't aged well, I don't know. But I just didn't buy into it.

Movie to Skip #3: The Oxford Murders

One thing really, really bothers me about this movie: why does this young genius keep getting distracted by the cantankerous old man rather than hanging out with the busty co-ed? I mean, sure, John Hurt is cool, but when you're a 20-something college guy, and Leonor Watling is trying to jump your bones every time you walk into a room, there isn't a warm blooded straight man in the world that is going to brush her off so you can go chat about patterns with a grumpy old college professor. It's just NOT gonna happen.

 

But that is not the worst sin this movie makes. Overall, this movie can be distilled down to one word: Contrived - and not in a good way. The Divinci Code was contrived and full of puzzles, but these just don't feel like real puzzles. What is worse, the whole thing boils down to an all too convenient solution that reeks of deus ex machina. That's not a good way for a mystery/puzzle movie to wrap itself up. Frankly, it is a serious insulting disservice to the audience that agreed to try and solve the mystery with you. For that reason, despite the fantastic actors in this film, I can't recommend it... unless you enjoy being tricked and treated like a moron by the writer/director. 

Borrowed Hobby Tips: Hardening Card Stock

Ron over at From the Warp always some creative ideas for your hobby... far more than I do, anyway.  In this installment of hobby tips that I've stolen from other people's blogs, you'll see how you can use the flexibility and easy to carve/cut capabilities of regular card stock (note cards, etc.) to create complex green stuff backing or other shapes that would be very difficult with plasticard (sheet styrene in the U.S.).  I encourage you to visit and leave any comments you have on the original article that you can find HERE.  Enjoy!

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Turning cardstock into plasticard

With all the sculpting that I do, I've developed a way to turn simple cardstock into plasticard and make a very sturdy base for me to sculpt on when I need it. Using plasticard and greenstuff is an art. Some folks do it better than others... I'm not one of those and that's how this trick came about.

I've been asked before how I do this particular thing and I figured it was time to show exactly what I do to make the change from cardstock to plasticard.

You'll need two things

Cardstock and Superglue

When it comes to cardstock, I prefer the simple stuff like a regular index card. You can use posterboard if you want, you just need to make sure it's not the glossy kind or that it has any kind of coating to it. You want the stuff that will absorb liquid.

As for the superglue, I use the cheap stuff myself. The trick though is getting a kind that is like water. You want it to be very runny and nothing like a gel. You want to be able to apply it to the cardstock and have it be absorbed into it easily.

What I use this technique for
While I'm sure there are more uses, I tend to focus on just a couple of things. Purity seals (the long flowing kind), and support structures for when I sculpt things like tabards. Those are the two main things.

I also use this approach when I'm building armour plates like my Pre-Heresy Terminator shoulderpads and greaves.

How it works in practice
In the case of things like purity seals, I simply cut out the shape I want, bend it into position carefully and then attach the piece to the model with a tiny drop at the connection point. Once it's secured, I go through and "coat" the cardstock with superglue by adding a few drops here and there and allowing them to absorb into the cardstock.

When it comes to tabards, it's the same thing. Cut your cardstock to shape, attach it to the model and then coat with glue.

I usually only coat one side of the cardstock and thats the side I'll be applying the greenstuff or any paint to. The other side is left alone. It can still be worked on since the glue has soaked through the cardstock and solidified the whole thing.

What to be careful of
The big thing is applying too much superglue. This only matters on things like the purity seals since too much superglue will dry and once the cardstock has absorbed all it can, the rest will pool up on the surface creating unwanted texture.

In the case of half tabards, it doesn't matter since you'll be covering the whole thing with greenstuff anyway.

The second problem comes when you rush the drying. Don't mess with the superglue as it's drying or you run the risk of pushing it around on the surface and creating waves of texture. The idea is for all the glue to absorb and leave a smooth surface you can work over it without having to worry about the water in your paints affecting the cardstock underneath and eating away at the stability of your model.

And there you have it, how to take regular index card (cardstock) and turn it into "plasticard" so that you get the rigidity and support you need in the end while keeping the flexibility and ease of working with cardstock in the beginning.
 

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 54)

Movie to See #1: Double Indemnity

This is essentially an insurance scam movie starring Fred McMurray -- the same guy that did all those Disney 'Shaggy Dog' movies and the television series My Three Sons. Despite McMurray's very Disney-esque filmography, this one has a very 'film noir' feel to it - almost like a Hitchcock film. It actually took me a few minutes to get into because of that disconnect, but McMurray does a good job -- the disconnect was in my own head... 

 

Overall, this movie is well done for the 40's (not that movies were BAD then, but movies today certainly have a lot more going on... for the most part). And you do get to see some interesting societal quirks that you just won't see today: drive up restaurants where you can drink a beer right in your car (for when you're just too lazy to get out of the car to wander into the corner bar); references to "colored" people, usually in service context - waxing car, door man, housekeeper; and so on. There is just a quaint feel to the movie that you just don't see today -- a product of a different era where racism and bigotry were just facts of life and not something we were embarrassed about. Ah yes, our grandparents were just so enlightened. And it was not really THAT long ago! Pretty creepy, actually... 

 

Anyway, the movie itself was very moody. Good atmosphere, intrigue, and an interesting little time capsule of a simpler (?) time where murdering someone for a mere $100,000 was worth a little pro and con session. Kind of fascinating, actually. A little bit of film history.

 

Movie to See #2: The Proposal

I hate romantic comedies, as a general rule, but this one is ok. Reynolds does a good job portraying someone in his situation (and an actual human being, to boot) even though he slips back into his quirky humor frequently. Bullock is as charming as ever, but her role is very hot/cold without too much in between -- there is no true melting period for the stone cold bitch to become a lovable woman that an actual human man would want to marry. 

 

This is a very formulaic movie. You won't be surprised by anything that happened, and if you've ever seen a Sandra Bullock movie in your life, then you've actually seen this one before too. But... I forgive this movie just enough to recommend it to Bullock fans. Reynolds and Bullock, while not actually generating a lot of love chemistry on screen, are not supposed to be generating that kind of chemistry. So, kind of forgivable, actually. I've seen worse movies, and this one really isn't that bad when it comes down to it.

 

Movie to See #3: The Lover

There is just something about pig tails coupled with cherry red lipstick that just feels... naughty. I realize Jane March is older than she looks, but yikes did this one feel wrong! Not surprisingly, there is a very strong Lolita theme to this one, which is scarily intriguing, and yet also kind of disgusting. To state that this movie can be a little graphic would be an understatement. This is a movie about lust. Not love. Not even passion, really. Just plain, pure, unadulterated lust... and the dangers and corruption that come with allowing your life to be consumed by that lust. 

 

Although the subject matter is pretty fierce, and probably a little offensive when taken at face value, it is also fascinating to watch. There is an awful lot of nudity in this one, so make sure the kids are asleep and that grandma is tucked in too... 'cause she's not gonna like this one. Otherwise, a pretty entertaining movie, overall.

 

Movie to See #4: The Fifth Patient

This is a surprisingly twisted movie, and yet also pretty easy to follow. It takes a while to really get started, but once it gets going it travels to a lot of strange and interesting places. Nick Chinlund does a fantastic job in this role. I mean, this guy has been in EVERYTHING: from shows like Castle, X-files, Law & Order:SVU, and ER; to movies like Tears in the Sun, The Chronicles of Riddick, Below... and the list goes on and on forever. It's good to see Chinlund stretch his character-centric muscles and to star in the title role. And quite frankly, this character is far more complex than the one dimensional roles in which he is usually cast. 

 

While you may guess the ending of this one pretty early on, I can almost guarantee you're going to change your prediction at least twice before the movie actually ends. I liked that. And I think you probably will too.

 

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Movie to Skip #1: Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love

This film is truly not about what you think it might be about... although sex does play a pivotal role in the story. It really is a love story, and the dangers of making love when you're not married and living in a society that still stones people for such "horrible" acts. Oh, but only the ladies. Isn't mysogeny fun!
 

While this movie is played by Indians, the film is actually in English and uses the typical western linear story telling, for the most part. Frankly I thought that was a little safe, and really missed an opportunity for a wee bit of cultural exploration.

 

The problem is that I didn't really care about anyone in this story: I didn't like the crazy sister -- why did she expect to be happy, she was marrying a pig; I didn't care about the crazy aristocrat (the pig) because he couldn't understand why a life of constant leisure was fulfilling and didn't seem to get why more and more extreme sexual escapades with harlots was bad for his marriage; and I didn't really care about our fearless sexually adventurous heroine either-- she was a whore... literally, and when you live by the, er, sword, you get what people pay you for... 

 

There just wasn't anything in this story that I connected with. There wasn't anything shocking, and the characters were just so pathetically wrapped up in their own stupidity, that they just didn't give two shakes about what their antics were doing to the people around them. Have you ever watched a movie where you thought, "wow, if there was a gas leak and it blew up all of these characters in one fell swoop within the first 10 minutes of the movie, this would have been a better movie?" That's kind of how I felt about this one.

 

Movie to Skip #2: Down Terrace

While an occasionally funny line was muttered now and then, or something shocking would occur that also happened to be funny, ultimately this was a pretty dark little drama. Not really a comedy at all. And because just about everything was mumbled and hard to hear, it also was not terribly fun to sit through either. I kind of feel like this is the kind of film that John Waters would make if he was trying to be serious... and was asleep. Totally skipable. 

 

Movie to Skip #3: The Assassin Next Door

English, Hebrew and Russian are spoken throughout this dark film of, well, ascendance? So, unless you speak all three languages, you're gonna have to read at least some of this movie... and most of us will only be able to listen to a handful of English lines. 

 

Olga Kurylenko stars in this pseduo-Nikkita role as sex-slave turned assassin. What, you don't think that sex slaves have the skills to become an assassin? Surely you jest. Of course they do! Ninette Tayeb plays the battered neighbor in this one. Tayeb is a singer from Israel with a reputation for media gaffs and run ins with the tabloids... whatever that means in Israel. Interestingly, Tayeb has a really spooky resemblance to Eve Myles from Torchwood, which made me do a double take several times during the film. Tayeb could easily be Myels' hotter younger sister... or cousin, or whatever.

 

while the women were hot, the sad fact of this movie is that it is a one dimensional action movie that tries too hard (and fails) to be a serious drama. Unfortunately, it's just too long without a "good" drama element. Personally, I hate to give a "movie to skip" rating to anything starring Kurylenko... but I just have to do that for this film. It's just too transparent and has a really confusing message that is hard to follow. If you want to see a FAR superior Kuylenko film where she kicks ass, see Centurion instead. 

 

Movie to Skip #4: A Boy and His Dog

This is a movie about a boy and his psychic dog on a quest through a post-apocalyptic United States. The boy's quest: to find a girl to rape. (?!) Yeah, no joke -- that is all this guy wants to do. This movie really is that screwed up. I kept digging for something more as to what the hell this movie was really about, and I honestly couldn't find it. The subtitle for this one is: "A rather kinky tale of survival," except I'm not sure that rape is kinky... just sick and wrong. 

 

In the end I just kept hoping that this one would get better, but it fought me every step of the way by repeatedly disappointing me. How did Don Johnson actually build a career on this movie?! Yikes. Do yourself a bit of a favor and just let this one continue to collect dust.