One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 19)

Movie to See: Beautiful Creatures




When trying to describe this movie, I kind of think of it as a cross between Bound, Weekend at Bernies, and a good heist film.  Personally, I could have used a bit more Bound, but maybe that's just me.  But hey, because this movie isn't Bound I suppose it gives it a wider appeal (i.e. the other half of the species).  The long and short of this movie is that Rachel Weisz (The Mummy) and Susan Lynch (Waking Ned Divine) are phenomenal in this film.  They are both great actors, and their roles are brilliant.  The writing and story are both great in this movie.  In fact, even when taken out of context, some of the lines are pretty hilarious (said while watching a barely coherent man babble like an idiot):

"What's the matter with him?  Is he German?"

Ha!  Well, ok, maybe the lines still need to be heard in context.  Regardless, the film is a lot of fun.  There is a lot of intrigue, and while you may guess how the film will end, there is NO way you're going to figure out how they get there.  Another good Brit comedy... but with less darkness and depression than the usual UK comedy.  Recommended.

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Movie to Skip: Goth




I'm not really sure what to make out of this one.  Is it a morality play?  A warning about the "real" goth community?  Live for death?  Embrace your fears?  Don't take candy from strangers?  This is a weird movie about a pseduo-goth couple that hook up with otherworldly hardcore goth named... well, Goth (yeah, the script really is that heavy handed -- if this movie had been called "Cross-Dressers", one of the characters would have been named "Cross-Dresser" and would have been the 'queen' of matching purses and shoes).  Goth turns out to be a twisted tour guide as she takes the couple on a whirlwind van ride through debauchery of just about every flavor you can imagine: sex, drugs, pain, murder.... rape?  Oh, yeah, and about halfway through it we also find out it's a murder mystery.  WTF?!  Oddly, once we get to that point, the heroine's actions (played by the attractive, but poor actor, Laura Reilly) don't really make any sense.  And, come to think of it, neither do the actions before we find that out.  In fact, none of this movie makes a lot of sense.  My guess is that this is supposed to be a "rabbit hole" adventure that starts when our heroine takes the drug "white light" given to her by Goth within the first few minutes of the film and is supposed to make us question the veracity of what we're seeing.  Unfortunately, that idea wasn't really carried through well enough for me to buy into it.

This was a bizarre movie, but it wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be.  There really are some pathetic actors in this film, but there is one standout.  Although I worried she was going to suck after her first few minutes on screen, Phoebe Dollar, who played the title role, was actually pretty decent.  Her performance isn't consistent, but for the most part she makes a fairly convincing psychopath.

It's a disjointed film where the character's motivations are unconvincing and the actors even less so.  Still, for an honest-to-goodness B-movie, I've certainly seen worse.  The movie was bad, but bad movies are ok now and then.  I don't recommend this one to anyone, but you never know... you might get a kick out of it.

Public Service Announcement

 

You have been informed.  Use it well.  That is all.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 18)

Movie to See: The Girl Who Played With Fire




Another good movie inspired by Stieg Larsson's "Millennium Trilogy" featuring bad girl hacker, Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace) and journalist/detective, Mikael Bloomkvist (Michael Nyqvist).  If you liked the first in the series, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, then you'll certainly want to watch/read this one as well.  Like the initial installment in this trilogy, this one is also full of good intrigue and is an honest to goodness mystery crime thriller movie.  This movie isn't quite as brutal as the last one, which is probably a good thing -- I've never been comfortable with rape scenes in a movie (no less a half dozen in the span of two hours - geesh...), but it does still have plenty of intrigue and fast paced action.

Unlike the first installment, this one seems to depend a little more on cold war-esq spy action, which was a break from the gumshoe nature of the first one.  I'm anxious to see where the third one goes since the series has covered these other two genres fairly well.  (The third one, which has already been filmed, is called The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest).

Ultimately, I didn't enjoy this one quite as much as the first one, but it was still a great movie.  As much as I don't like 'reading' movies, I have to admit that some great films can come out of studios that don't have Hollywood executives screwing them up.  I can think of a half dozen movies that had the potential to do as well as this one that were obviously compromised to death.  Anyway, point is, this is a pretty good movie and recommended for mystery fans.

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Movie to Skip: Red Lips 2 - Bloodlust


Hold on to your hats, folks, because I've got a LOT to say about this one...

The most surprising thing about this film is that it is apparently a sequel.  I mean, they made two of these things?!  That seems like quite a waste of film...  It wasn't much of a waste of money, because they clearly didn't spend any on the production of this little stinker, but it was definitely a waste of film... and time.  I think it is supposed to be a softcore erotic thriller, but there really isn't anything "erotic" about it (and nothing even approaching thrilling).  There is some porn music played, loudly, while we see closeups of two naked people pretending to pretend to be having sex... typically at arms length, but that is about as erotic as things get... and it's a pretty pathetic display.  It's naked, but it isn't sexy. At best, this is hardcore Amish porn...  Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, now there is a real softcore movie.  At least the simulated... um, action, is at least moderately believable ...and yet also terribly funny.  In fact, if you're looking for eroticism, Teeny Bikini is a FAR superior movie than this one.

That having been said, I hate to admit it, but there are actually some decent one liners in this film.  My favorite sequence:

"I don't know, becoming a vampire isn't so bad.  A little blood loss for immortality and infinite power.  That doesn't sound like such a bad deal."
"What does your therapist say about that?"
"I don't know, he won't return my calls."

Ok, it isn't Shakespeare, but in the context of this film, it was actually kind of funny.  (Bad movies are often spruced up by tired old jokes.) As a side note, there is a strange preoccupation with therapy and psychologists during this conversation... which is oddly personal considering it is happening between two complete strangers sitting at a bar.

Anyway, the acting, overall... well, actually, I've seen much worse.  It isn't good.  But compared to a LOT of other crappy movies, this one had some actors that were almost mediocre.  One of the chief problems in this movie, besides the pathetic less-than-steamy erotic scenes, is that the storyline is really hard to follow... mostly because I think it's supposed to be a series of dream sequences being told by the vampire loving stranger we meet at the beginning of the film.  At least, I think they're dream sequences.  Or, at least, she's telling the other person sitting at the bar they are dream sequences... although we're actually supposed to believe that they really happened.  Either way,  don't really understand how they all fit together.  The slow and uneventful "chase" sequence about halfway through the movie in particular is really pointless and kind of stupid.  Ok, so the entire movie is pointless and kind of stupid, but at least I was trying to figure out why we were shown the sequences.

One of the MOST confusing things I've seen a while is that we actually get a film within a film in a stupid B-movie!  Our inner film is a strange movie where see a woman walking around, and is then followed by another woman for a while, they talk, and then one leaves... while the other apparently dies... by Alka-Seltzer poisoning.  All of it happening while Verdi's Chorus of the Hebrew Slaves is going on underneath it.  Let us look at that song for a moment for a clue as to what was going on...

Italian

English

Va, pensiero, sull'ali dorate; va, ti posa sui clivi, sui colli ove olezzano tepide e molli l'aure dolci del suolo natal! Del Giordano le rive saluta, di Sionne le torri atterrate. Oh, mia patria sì bella e perduta! Oh, membranza sì cara e fatal! Arpa d'or dei fatidici vati, perché muta dal salice pendi? Le memorie nel petto raccendi, ci favella del tempo che fu! O simile di Solima ai fati traggi un suono di crudo lamento, o t'ispiri il Signore un concento che ne infonda al patire virtù!

Fly, thought, on wings of gold, go settle upon the slopes and the hills where the sweet airs of our native soil smell soft and mild! Greet the banks of the river Jordan and Zion's tumbled towers. Oh, my country, so lovely and lost! Oh remembrance so dear yet unhappy! Golden harp of the prophetic wise men, why hang so silently from the willows? Rekindle the memories in our hearts, tell us about the times gone by! Remembering the fate of Jerusalem play us a sad lament or else be inspired by the Lord to fortify us to endure our suffering!

Nope, I still don't get it...  And you know what's even crazier than this?  The production value of the film within the film is actually FAR superior to the exterior movie.  How weird is that?!  This whole movie is just... bizarre.  It's not good, but I was unable to tear my eyes away from this train wreck.  For the good of your soul, I urge you to skip this movie.  Trust me, because if you don't turn it off quickly enough, you're probably going to end up watching the entire thing, and you'll feel really dumb for being caught in it's ridiculously feeble clutches.

Oh, and before I forget, I do have a little public service message to go along with this movie: If you and another person walk up to a mirror, and you don't  see the other person's reflection, turn around.  Don't stand there like an idiot looking at the mirror asking the invisible person why you can't see them.  You're about to be vampire food.  That is all.  Now, go forth, and don't watch this movie. No seriously, it will only encourage them. Don't watch it.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 17)

Movie to See: Red Cliff



Whoa.  Awesome.  If you like epic battle films like 300 (maybe a bad example) or Troy (a slightly better example), then this one is definitely for you.  The scale of the movie is fantastic, and yet, probably because it was directed by John Woo, there is also plenty of 'hero' action.  In proper Greek tradition (maybe in Chinese tradition too, I don't know...), countless warriors are led to the battlefield in grandiose cinematic fashion.  And then the heroes step out to confront one another to enact choreographic masterpieces (when they're not talking scalps by the dozens in the larger battle scenes).  The heroes, in this case, are the army generals, each with his own unique style and combat technique -- which is a cornerstone of a good kung fu film.  The heroes and the villains are well defined and their motivations are clear.  In short, this was a fantastic movie that I thoroughly enjoyed.

Now something I should note here is that I watched the Western release of this film.  The version I watched was just under two and a half hours long, and there was a kind of awkward English narration at the beginning of the film to put the story in historical context.  I didn't need that, and it kind of threw me a bit since the rest of the film is in Mandarin with English subtitles.  Now that I've seen this version, however, I am really tempted to watch the original Asian release... but it is over four hours long!  Frankly, I think there was plenty of story to tell for this movie to have gone that long, and I think it would be worthwhile to fill in even more of the back stories for some of the characters in the Western version that were not as fully developed.

In short, if you love kung fu films, you will love this film.  If you love epic Asian films like Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, then you will love this film.  Visually, the movie is just stunning, and the story is awesome and compelling.  Very true to life with just a hint of a dash of Chinese mysticism to make it interesting and unpredictable.  I strongly recommend this film.

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Movie to Skip: Vampire Conspiracy




This is called a "B-Movie" because nobody is willing to adopt the categories "Piece of Crap" or "Somebody Should Publicly Flog the Director."  Hoping to capitalize on the the Saw genre (reads: put strangers in a room against their will and encourage them to kill one another and/or figure out how they are all connected), the "writer(s)" of this crapfest thought it would be "creative" to make a nearly identical spinoff film where the game master is a vampire and not merely a dark vigilante.  Unfortunately, the writers didn't realize (or just completely ignored the fact) that they were talentless hacks, and that a good film also requires actors that can act and a budget that extends beyond making the film in dad's basement and calling it a "set."

This one is so bad that I couldn't even get a giggle out of its pathetic awfulness. The long and short of this film is that you're probably best just to skip it entirely.  It is not worth your time.

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 16)

Movie to See: Let the Right One In





This one was a very unconventional vampire movie.  Set entirely in Sweden during the winter, this film just feels cold.  When you've got the heat on in the house and you're still wearing layers (including wool sweaters), it is COLD outside!  But there is more to it than just the temperature.  The way the vampire in this movie goes about her life, as a little girl - despite her actual age, is also very cold... except for her occasional beast-like feedings.  For the most part, there is no real passion in the girl, and she does not appear to feel the pangs of guilt that is common in a lot of current vampire films.  She's a feeder, and she needs a companion.  Period.  Contrasting with the cold and calculating vampire is a young boy -- an outcast in his young community and often bullied by the neighborhood kids, he is a perfect innocent, and far too trusting of the young fem fatale. 

The story, then is really about the budding.... romance?  friendship?  companionship?  that emerges between these two apparently young children.  That part of this story is very touching, and it is actually kind of moving to watch.  But what you can't seem to get away from despite this innocent budding relationship, is the fact that only half of this relationship is innocent.  The vampire here, it would seem, is actually quite a bit older than her young suitor.  If that isn't creepy enough, there is also the issue that in a way, she is also training this kid to become a cold blooded killer and protector.  It is an awkward juxtaposition that is really palpable throughout the movie.  It creates an interesting tension that is really the heart of what makes the movie good.

That having been said, however, this movie feels really, really long.  And it is long... probably much longer than is really necessary.  There are several minor plot lines that don't have much to do with the main thrust of the movie, and the story meanders much longer on unimportant factors of the characters' psyche that don't add much to the story.  It detracts from the overall experience and didn't do anything for me other than require me to read (the movie is not in English) more than I really wanted to.

Overall, a unique and sometimes sweet vampire flick, but with really creepy undertones that make this movie worth a watch.

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Movie to Skip: 2012






You really, really, really need to suspend disbelief in order to enjoy this film. There are a LOT of action sequences in this movie that not only make even the most forgiving arm-chair physicist cringe, but also require the kind of luck that would make the Lucky Charms Leprechaun prespire heavily. Could the world as we know it crumble to pieces? Sure, I suppose so. I can buy that. But can the same guy perform the kind of driving miracles featured in this film in the same car without blowing out the tires or crushing his spine during his seventh outrageous jump in the same sequence? Probably not. No, make that, absolutely not.

Although billed as an action movie, really this one is just a silly explosive over-the-top version of a 1970's disaster film. It's full of eye rolling moments, and very little of it is believable. I mean heck, if we have to go through the same kind of crap that John Cusack has to go through in order to survive the coming apocalypse, none of us are going to make it. I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything more considering it was directed by the same nonsensical eye candy enthusiast that brought us Independence Day, but I was still hoping it would be a little more character driven... and have a little more realism. Oh well, it is still a 'fun' film to watch, despite the lunacy.  But you can skip it entirely and still sleep well at night... trust me.

Happy Holidays from Team Unicorn

Another winner from Team Unicorn.  Ho-Ho-Ho, time to lock and load, children!

One Movie to See and Another to Skip (No. 15)

Movie to See: Ip Man






This one won't be for everyone, but I really enjoyed this unique kung fu film.  Set in China just prior to the rise of the Japanese empire and World War II (and then carrying through the time of Japanese occupation), the story centers itself around a small martial arts community that is learning to deal with the changing industrialization of the world around them.  Kung fu and martial arts are no longer important in a world that is more concerned with business and less with tradition.  The undertone, albeit very subtle and not well developed, is how an occupied people learns how to deal with finding a balance between the old and new worlds.  This undercurrent is easy to miss, however, as there is also a LOT of really cool kung fu going on.

The hero of the story is proud nobleman (?) Ip.  Ip is an incredibly well respected member of the community who seems to have an endless supply of money that allows him to dote on his wife and child while courting his relatives who are trying to start new businesses in industrializing China.  Once the occupation sets in, however, Ip is kind of out of luck.  As an "investor" of sorts, he doesn't really have a skill that will help him feed his family while under occupation.  Well, no skill except for the fact he is the biggest, baddest martial artist in the surrounding area.  A true disciplined 'artist,' he doesn't flaunt his skill, but it certainly comes in handy in several spots along the way...

Ultimately, this is a story about an outmoded people under occupation.  It isn't a happy story... despite all the really cool kung fu.  Being an occupied people is oppressive and horrible, and you feel that in this story... if you look for it.

The story aside, the movie is extremely well choreographed, and the look is fantastic.  The acting is well done, and you really will feel for Ip and the people of his community before the movie is over.  But the movie wasn't quite perfect.  For the most part, the undercurrents I'm speaking about are revelations that I've had after thinking about the movie a while later, as the treatment that these issues get in the film are honestly fairly superficial -- but I don't think I've inserted them there in retrospect.  Another unfortunate aspect of the film for me personally, and it is really due more to the availability of the movie I saw rather than a flaw in the film itself, is that the movie was dubbed into English.  While the voiceover work was very smooth, there were gaps in the film as only the Chinese was dubbed into English.  The Japanese was not translated.  And since this was a dubbed film, there were no subtitles available, which meant that there were sections of the movie that were simply lost because they took place with the Japanese characters.

Overall, I really enjoyed this movie as it was visually attractive, and there was a meaty story beyond the excellent martial arts.  Highly recommended to fans of martial arts films.

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Movie to Skip:Visioneers







If you saw The Hangover and fell in love with the comedy acting of Zach Galifinakis as the awkward brother-in-law, then you'll probably be disappointed by this movie. One of two things made this movie kind of a snoozer, but I'm not sure where to place the blame. Either: 1) the movie was having an identity crises and couldn't decide if it was going for 'dark humor' or just 'dark'; or 2) Galifinakis just isn't funny enough to hold his own. Either way, this movie just wasn't as entertaining as I hoped it would be. I really do enjoy dystopia-centric films, and I love dark humor, but this one just didn't deliver either one. I was easily as dissatisfied with this movie as the characters in the film where dissatisfied with the quality of their lives. Perhaps the ability to transfer that emotional blase to the audience was the point of the film, but that seems a tad unnecessary given how easily any poorly written movie can do the same thing. Nope, this movie just didn't know what it wanted to be, and I think Galifinakis just got caught in the cross-hairs... I hope - for his sake. I hate to say it, but this one is probably a movie to skip.

40k: Dirty Tricks (No. 9) - The Phalanx

Anyone who has seen Necron on the table in 4th edition will be familiar with the evil power of the Phalanx army. Slow moving and tightly packed, a Necron phalanx can put out a crap-ton of gauss fire while keeping to the 'safety-in-numbers' theory. What people have also figured out, however, is that the phalanx is just not as effective for the Necron in 5th edition because of their close combat vulnerabilities. Now the enemy wants a Necron army to bunch up so that multiple assaults can be easily launched and, because of their low initiative value, the majority of the army can be wiped out after a single assault phase.

But while the phalanx can be an ineffective tactic for Necron armies in 5th edition, it is actually a very viable tactic for small elite armies (reads: pre-5th edition armies) such as Grey Hunters and Dark Angels. Most new codecii since the release of the latest 'nid codex have two things in common: cheap troops and transports (or just fast cheap troops). When you're running a slow expensive army, it is easy to become overwhelmed, so you need to try and counter that as best you can. For codecii that were created when the firing line was king, that can be difficult, but the phalanx can be a good equalizer. 

The Right Pieces

To make the phalanx work, you need certain pieces in place. First, you need a strong center to hold the line. Ideally you can do this with dakka transports, armor, and units that can move and fire their weapons to good effect. Transports that can hold your troops and still be able to kick out some firepower are best since they will allow you to not only provide cover fire, but will also allow you to make some quick last minute moves out of the phalanx in order to make last minute objective grabs. In Grey Knights armies, that would be storm trooper squads in chimeras -- the troops take pot shots from inside the transports while the turrets and hull weapons light up the units around them. By forming a nice center position as they move forward, this creates a dangerous firing lane that your enemy will avoid. Likewise, you can do the same thing with Razorback transports in a Dark Angels army - the guns on the razorbacks keep the enemy at bay and allow your small assault weapon tactical squads to jump out in the later turns to start taking objectives. You can also walk up the board behind standard terminator squads, which are slow but relentless. The point is to create a solid wall of bodies and/or armor/transports to keep your troops safe as you slowly advance on objectives at the center of the board -- just like the Necron phalanx.

Your next component, an equally critical part of this army that should not be neglected, are your tough interdiction units. In order to pull off a phalanx successfully, you have to keep the enemy from overwhelming your moving castle. If your enemy throws enough foot sloggers in the way, they will bog down the phalanx and you'll be prevented from parking on the objective. Thus, you need tough small units to engage and tie up the enemy while you march the phalanx forward. Deep striking terminator units, jump pack units, and small bike units are excellent examples of units that can do this for you. All of these units can get between your phalanx and attacking enemy squads quickly and generally have enough survivability to allow your phalanx to move into place before the enemy squads are able to move freely again. 

Why it Works

The point of the phalanx is to keep massed weapons fire in a single area so that you can overwhelm attacking units when they come at you piecemeal. You move the "castle" forward, sit in an area in between the objectives on the board (or on top of them if you have a large enough phalanx and the objectives are close enough together), and then blast the enemy as he tries to run up and take the same objectives. Just like a castle in your deployment zone is created in order to keep the enemy at bay and off your back, the phalanx takes your castle to the important real estate on the board (objectives) and plants that same firepower where it will win you the game.

In order for this to work, you have to keep fast enemy assualting units off of your back long enough to get your phalanx in place. Small units of bikes and assault squads are ideal for rushing out ahead of the phalanx and engaging units that will stop the forward progression of your phalanx. The tougher the engaging units the more likely that they will last long enough for you to get your firebase into the proper position to hose down the bad guy once your interdiction units have been destroyed or have been forced to withdrawal. An effective interdiction unit must be able to survive multiple rounds of combat. These can't be mere speed-bumps, they must be able to hold your enemy in the fight for your turn, and ideally, through your oponent's next assault phase as well so that you have at least one additional turn of marching before the enemy is turned loose. If you can tie him up for three or four combats, even better. In fact, the longer this unit holds out, the better, even if they are ultimately wiped out. The longer these units are held up, the more time you have to move the phalanx in place, and the more turns your phalanx has to wipe out larger more dangerous threats to your phalanx before mopping up the fast assault units.

When it Works

This tactic works best under the following conditions:

(1) Objective battles. This is NOT a kill points tactic. The phalanx will take lots of casualties because your interdiction units are going to die. You need multiple cheap (sometimes cheap) interdiction squads. This isn't ideal where every kill point is going to count heavily against you.

(2) One Objective, or Lots of Closely Positioned Objectives. Basically, you are trying to concentrate your forces in one area. If the objectives are positioned all over the board, that is going to set you up for failure pretty quickly. You can't be in multiple places at once because those units that aren't contributing to your center's firepower will be engaging (and dying to) the enemy's assault units. In a multiple objective battle, do your best to keep objectives bunched together so that the tendrils of your phalanx can reach multiple objectives at once, or else you can run several squads out in the last couple of turns if they are within walking distance. If there is only one objective, even better, since you're more able to focus your center's power. But that also means your enemy will be doing the same thing... which will make this tactic more difficult.

40k: Dirty Tricks (No. 8) - Blast Templates

Fifth edition 40k favors the quick and the bold... which generally comes down to who has the best mobility and transportation. Is it any wonder that IG and Razor-wolves are consistently at the top of the tournament charts? Mechanized armies are tricky because it means you're going to have to face lots of mini-tank transports and often some scary small squads inside that will continually inch close to your front lines. One way to counter the plethora of armored might against you is to take advantage of the enemy's tanks in order to pick off those squishy elite units inside. And you do that with blast templates.

One often forgotten quirk of blast templates is that you do not have to squeeze as much under the template as possible... unlike the flamer template. On page 29 of the rulebook, under "Template," the rules provide:

Instead of rolling to hit, simply place the template so that its narrow end is touching the base of the model firing it and the rest of the template covers as many models as possible in the target unit...

Conversely, the rules for placing the blast template on the following page (Page 30) simply provide:

When firing a blast weapon, models do not roll to hit, instead just pick one enemy model visible to the firer and place the blast marker (see diagram) with its hole over the base of the target model, or its hull if it is a vehicle.

And that's it! No centering the marker, no putting as many enemy models as possible underneath, simply place it over the hull of a vehicle or the base of an enemy model. The question is then, how do you take advantage of this little tidbit? And the answer is, maximize the hit potential by targeting more than one unit at once.

Look at the picture below. This is a common scenario where you have multiple enemy transports zooming up the center of the board. When you're smart enough to create natural choke points on the board with terrain the more transports the enemy has, the more likely you are to actually hit them... despite the scatter.

Obviously you might get lucky and get a two for one shot. As long as the hole lands on one of the tanks, you'll get a full and half strength shot, which can be more than enough for shots from battle and demolisher cannons against the majority of the lightly armored transports on the current battlefield. 

Perhaps an even more important use of this tactic is when the squishy troopers on the inside of the tank are taking cover behind their transports. See the image below. This may be a unit that has just deployed, or it could be a unit "running" alongside the mobile cover of the tank. Either way, your enemy has wisely decided to put some steel between his troops and your guns. Great in the real world... but perhaps not as effective on the table top.

Here, let's just say the transported squad just stepped outside of the tank. Because of two-inch deployment, most of the time your enemy is going to be bunched together - perfect for a blast template attack. But the enemy is also more likely to deploy on the "safe" side of his tank -- where you won't have a line of sight shot on that bunched up unit. But as long as that transport hasn't already been wrecked, it's still fair game! Place that template so that you cover both the tank and the squad and you not only maximize the liklihood that you're going to actually hit something despite the scatter, on the off chance you get a "hit" roll, you get full strength shots on the unit as well as the tank -- there is no half strength against troops. Further, if you're shooting with a barrage weapon, such as a whirlwind or basilisk shot, if that hole lands anywhere on the troop side of the tank, the squad won't even get a cover save. 

But let's not forget another important factor about this shot. Who says you have to be shooting with something that can actually penetrate the tank? So what if the tank is a landraider and all you have are mortars, frag grenades and whirlwind missiles? As long as that template lands on the squad, you've got a chance to hit a unit that is not in your line of sight. And since that weapon isn't going to have a chance to hurt anything else anyway, you might as well go for the possible kill. There is no rule that says you can only shoot at things you have a chance to wound or penetrate.

And that's template manipulation. While these tactics demonstrate how to take out squads hiding behind mobile cover, they can also work when attacking troops hiding behind target-able bunkers and buildings (technically, you can only fire at buildings that are occupied by enemy forces: "Units may shoot at or assault an occupied building just as if it was a vehicle..." Page 79 - emphasis supplied.), soft squads hiding behind tougher units, etc. The point is simply that the blast template rules leave a lot of room for fudging your actual target. Take advantage of their ability to maximize their ability to hit an enemy unit by aiming at multiple squads at the same time, and by dropping those templates into areas where otherwise hidden troops can be flattened.

40k: Know Your Space Marines (No. 5): Deathstar Units

Every army has at least one Deathstar unit. The humble Space Marines actually have a couple of options, albeit of very similar makeup. "What is a Deathstar unit?" you ask. Quite simply, a Deathstar unit is a high points cost unit that can deal out a tremendous amount of damage to the enemy, but ultimately will hurt your army very badly if destroyed.

Deathstar 1: Lysander & Crew

Darnath Lysander is a beast in combat. With Eternal Warrior, you're going to have to hit him again and again before you bring him down. When you throw him into a unit of terminators with storm shields, then your enemy has to determine just which part of that threat he wants to take out first: the four wound model with S10 hits, or the four individual terminators... while getting smacked around with S10 hits. As Lysander makes them stubborn, they will not suffer negative modifiers to their leadership rolls even if they lose the combat, which means they're going to stick around for a very long time. The only problem with this unit is that it is very, very slow. To fix that problem you also need to throw in a librarian with a storm shield and the Gate of Infinity psychic power. The added threat of a force weapon going at initiative and the ability to deep strike all over the board makes this a unit the enemy just can't avoid.

Deathstar 2: Marneus Calgar & Crew

Marneus Calgar is a beast, and he is incredibly expensive to boot. As an Eternal Warrior, like Lysander, you once again are going to have a guy in the mix that the enemy will have to decide whether to go after individually, or else take out the single terminator models around him. Calgar is only S8 (with his fists), but he has more attacks and also has the option to use a power weapon against a foe that is going to hurt your terminator escorts. And once again, since this is a slow unit, throwing in a librarian with GOI is a must if you want to get this unit around the board quickly. Alternatively, you can also use Calgar as a forward element and allow the terminators to jump in with him at a later time with his teleport beacon. Either way, once they get together, this is a unit that will not break -- unless you want it to due to Calgar's special rule -- and has a LOT of heavy S8 power to throw around.

Deathstar 3: Kantor & Vanguard

Vanguard squads are cool. You can equip them with all kinds of nasty weapons, all of which can have a nasty sting. You can give them storm shields and power weapons, or power fists, or thunder hammers. Alternatively, you can give them plasma pistols and let them keep their standard chainswords to make them the ultimate counter-attack unit. With base 2 attacks, before you give them any equipment, you can easily give a unit of 10 men 30 attacks standing still, or 40 on the charge. Want to make it even more sick? When you throw in Pedro Kantor, they all get an additional attack with his special rule, allowing this squad an unholy 50 smacks on the charge. Regardless of whether you give them power weapons, or just let them keep their chainswords, that is going to hurt a LOT of enemy units. Throw in Kantor's own invulnerable save and power fist attacks, and even the chainsword crew can take out just about anything you face. Like the squads above, this unit is even nastier if you elect to throw a librarian into the mix. They can all fit into a landraider, or you can drop a couple and put them in a rhino. Or you can use GOI and the librarian to get them around. With a few well placed teleport homers early on in the game (drop pods, perhaps?), this unit can be exactly where you need it at a moment's notice. While it's always nice to have a storm shield on your librarian, you can opt for a cheaper version and Might of Ancients to give this squad a little extra punch. The only real downside to this unit is that without storm shields, they are incredibly fragile. Further, they can also get extremely expensive VERY quickly. Consider that a terminator with storm shield and thunder hammer is 40 points - each with 2 attacks. That same loadout, with a vanguard marine is 75 points! Now, he'll also have a jump pack at that cost, but WOW is that expensive -- especially when you consider that he'll only ever get a 3++ save while the terminator has a natural 2+ with his armor. That's a bummer, but this really is an incredibly nasty unit nonetheless. As an alternate to the librarian, you can maximize this unit's initial 50 attacks with a humble chaplain. His ability to re-roll misses on the charge is an awesome way to make every hit count.

Deathstar 4: Kantor & Honor Guard

If Vanguard are nasty, then honor guard are just plain obscene. Every man in the unit can have a relic blade and auxiliary grenade launcher, which means they can hit you hard (in addition to their bolter and bolt pistol shots) all the way to the point they start dishing out S6 power weapon hits. Every man in the unit has a base 2 attack if you keep the relic blade, or base three if you use the power weapons they are purchased with. Like the vanguard, that's 50 power weapon hits on the charge (or 40 S6 power weapon hits if you use relic blades). That's a LOT of nasty smacking. Artificer armor means that they have the same ability to shrug off hits as a terminator, but they do not have an invulnerable save, and they can't purchase one either. That inability to have an invulnerable save means that they will probably not last very long against the enemy death star, even though they'll chew through basic units. They do have longer reach than the vanguard with their launchers and bolters, but area also slow since they can't take jump packs. They'll need a transport, or yet another librarian in order to give them the ability to move around the board.

Deathstar 5: Lysander & Command Squad

We know Lysander is nasty, but the command squad is another nasty option to use with him. Like a vanguard squad, every man in this unit can take a storm shield and any close combat weapon except a relic blade... except the apothecary. But the apothecary does give the unit Feel No Pain, which is nothing to sneeze at. Further, you can also throw in just about any comb-weapon or special weapon you want as well. In a way, this unit really bridges the gap between Vanguard and Sternguard by giving them the ability to tap into either squad... or both squads at the same time. That is not the best way to maximize their fighting or shooting ability, but the option is there, I guess. The downside to this unit, besides an apothecary that can't seem to field anything other than his basic equipment, is that they are both expensive and you can only take five of them. The size of this squad means that it will not last over the long haul. Like all the other units, this squad can benefit from a librarian like most of the others, although they do have a more mobile option that I'll discuss below.

Deathstar 6: Kor'sarro Khan & Command Squad

As a captain, Khan can take a command squad. And command squads can take bikes. That means you can have a nasty six man unit running around the board, with storm shields, power weapons, T4(5), Feel No Pain, and the ability to Hit & Run, Turbo Boost, and hit with Furious Charge. This is an extremely fast unit that has the ability to deal out some serious damage... albeit with only five men. Although a little light as far as Deathstar units go, the cost is still pretty high, and it can be pretty scary to face. Although Khan's ability to deal out an insta-kill hit with his power weapon is a little suspect, on the charge (which Hit & Run allows him to do often) his S5 smacks should be able to harm non-monstrous creatures fairly easily almost every time.

Conclusion

As a jack-of-all-trades army, the Space Marines can build some pretty effective Deathstar units in some fairly creative ways. No Deathstar is foolproof, but any of these units can be fun to run every now and then. Some are definitely more fragile than others, but all of them have fangs.